Reflecting

I would love to say that I've always been good at spending time with Jesus. Reading His words. Cherishing what He has to say. I would love to say that I've always been consistent. Unfortunately, I can't. I can say, however, that this last year has shown me so much. I have had more time with Jesus in the last year than I've ever had. I have curled up in my chair. Coffee in hand. And just basked in His wonderful, beautiful glory. Cherishing my moments with Him. So much so, that for awhile, I'd get crabby when my time with Him was over... Crabby that I actually had to go back and do life. Nice. Real nice.

There have been moments that His words have made me laugh. Laugh because He's using MY words. He's talking the way I talk. So funny how His words, written so long ago, talk directly to me...

"For You are my lamp, O Lord;
The Lord shall enlighten my darkness,
For by You I can run against a troop;
By my God I can leap over a wall.
As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

For who is God, except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?
God is my strength and power,
And He makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on high places...

You have also given me the shield of Your salvation;
Your gentleness has made me great.
You enlarged my path under me;
So my feet did not slip...

For you have armed me with strength for the battle...

The Lord lives!
Blessed be my Rock!
Let God be exalted,
The Rock of my salvation!"

2 Samuel 22:29-37, 40 and 47

I call my kids my troop. God knew I was struggling. He knew I needed a chuckle. He knew that if He used my words, I would get it. I am constantly repeating that verse in my head. Please Lord, help me go up against the troops!

God's words have guided me in my decisions...

"Concerning this temple which you are building, if you walk in My statutes, execute My judgements, keep all My commandments, and walk in them, then I will perform My word with you..." 1 Kings 6:12

God's words have shown me that I CANNOT do it. IT is not me. IT is ALL God. I am merely His vessel. He has given me His words to keep me from believing the lies...

"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4

He has shown me that I am PERFECTLY made. HE made me. HE does not make mistakes. He sees me as perfect. I am beautiful to HIM. NOTHING will make me better. He made me. Plain and simple. Again. He DOES NOT make mistakes. He made me for HIS purposes.

"He fashions their hearts individually; he considers all their works." Psalm 33:15

God is always there. Always. He knows me inside and out. He knows all my days. He is always there.

"O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, you are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there;
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me,"
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

For you formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

How precious also are Your thought to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You." Psalm 139:1-18

Like many, I've been reflecting on the past year. Looking at where God has brought us. Seeing where we have grown. Seeing His footprints as He's carried us. I can vividly remember the night I went to bed. Hopeless. Joyless. Wondering how I would ever have hope again. Wondering if I would ever find my smile again. Wondering just how to put one foot in front of the other. I can remember waking up the next morning. Weight lifted. Filled with hope. Filled with joy. Feeling God. Knowing that God had done a good work in me. He cares. He loves me. He took my pain. He gave me my smile. There is no other explanation. I could not have gotten there on my own. Especially overnight. I praise God for giving me both of those days. Yes. BOTH. I'm thankful to have been at my lowest so that I could see God raise me up. He continues to be so very faithful.

I look forward to the next year. I'm so curious to see where we are headed. I'm so thankful that no matter where we are that God will be there. Walking along side of us. Carrying us when we need Him to. Guiding us. Whispering to us. Loving us.

I praise you Lord! Thank you for my family. For my healthy children. For my wonderful, loving and healthy husband. Thank you for loving us just as we are. Thank you for stretching us. Thank you for all the times you've carried us through. Thank you for our coffee talk. I love spending that time with you. I love you!

Happy New Year!