Chris called last Wednesday morning...
It's a germ cell. Translation - it's testicular cancer...
It is treatable!
Praising the Lord!!!
Crazy...
He did in fact have adenocarcinoma last year...
A miracle really that he survived if you look at the statistics...
And here we are with ANOTHER miracle!!
Treatable!
Praising the Lord!!!
I was talking to my brother last night and he said something about next summer...
With a little tear in my eye I said, "don't you love that you CAN say next summer??"
A miracle!!!
Thank you Lord!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Heaven
Heaven
I was talking to my brother today. He was telling me that he and Kristin had been talking about Heaven and why we get so sad when someone gets to go there. I laughed out loud. I've thought about that so many times...
He said they were trying to come up with an analogy and came up with this - Life is like the minor leagues. We sit here. Waiting for the call. Waiting for the majors. And finally, one day, the phone rings. It's a a celebration. Right? Sure.
But, those of us still stuck in the minors miss your skills!
Heaven
It's been on my mind a lot. Just wishing that Jesus would come. Wishing we'd just get to go together. No more pain. No more sadness. None of it. Just God. Just Jesus. Just Heaven.
Heaven
A family in our church lost their wife and mom today. She got to go be with Jesus. I've been thinking of her family all day. My heart aches for them. I didn't know her, but reading about her sure makes me wish that I did. I cannot imagine...
Heaven
I've really been making an effort to savor my days. To savor my time with my family. Spending less time tuning out and more time tuning in. Cherishing these moments.
I've also been making sure to get my Jesus time. And oh how that renews my soul. To spend time with Him. To talk to Him. To read His words and His truth. He fills my cup and makes everything else better.
Heaven
I love getting glimpses here and there. A little Heaven here on earth.
A date with my sweet husband...
My sweet sunshine posing with her popsicle...
My children sharing and singing the "oh, oh" song by Above the Golden State...
Our garden growing with zucchini and yellow squash that are waist high...
Having more zucchini and yellow squash than I know what to do with...
Making 5 loaves of bread using yellow squash instead of zucchini and having my kids tell me it tastes like Heaven...
Heaven
And in the words of my sweet princess...
I was talking to my brother today. He was telling me that he and Kristin had been talking about Heaven and why we get so sad when someone gets to go there. I laughed out loud. I've thought about that so many times...
He said they were trying to come up with an analogy and came up with this - Life is like the minor leagues. We sit here. Waiting for the call. Waiting for the majors. And finally, one day, the phone rings. It's a a celebration. Right? Sure.
But, those of us still stuck in the minors miss your skills!
Heaven
It's been on my mind a lot. Just wishing that Jesus would come. Wishing we'd just get to go together. No more pain. No more sadness. None of it. Just God. Just Jesus. Just Heaven.
Heaven
A family in our church lost their wife and mom today. She got to go be with Jesus. I've been thinking of her family all day. My heart aches for them. I didn't know her, but reading about her sure makes me wish that I did. I cannot imagine...
Heaven
I've really been making an effort to savor my days. To savor my time with my family. Spending less time tuning out and more time tuning in. Cherishing these moments.
I've also been making sure to get my Jesus time. And oh how that renews my soul. To spend time with Him. To talk to Him. To read His words and His truth. He fills my cup and makes everything else better.
Heaven
I love getting glimpses here and there. A little Heaven here on earth.
A date with my sweet husband...
My sweet sunshine posing with her popsicle...
My children sharing and singing the "oh, oh" song by Above the Golden State...
Our garden growing with zucchini and yellow squash that are waist high...
Having more zucchini and yellow squash than I know what to do with...
Making 5 loaves of bread using yellow squash instead of zucchini and having my kids tell me it tastes like Heaven...
Heaven
And in the words of my sweet princess...
Friday, July 17, 2009
Option A, B, or C
I talked to my mom this morning and apparently, there are now TEN Dr's looking at my brother's case. TEN!
Ten Dr.'s trying to figure out what is going on in his body. I am utterly confused. I can only imagine how he and Kristin's brains must be spinning.
At this point they are looking at 3 options... however, this number seems to change.
A. We are looking at testicular cancer
B. We are looking at esophageal cancer
C. We are looking at both
Yesterday, the Dr.'s were speculating that this may have been testicular cancer all along. Apparently, it is a hard cancer to pin down. And if it has been, then this is still much better than the esophageal... I think.
Seriously. I can only imagine.
The cool thing is though, that as we sit here scratching our heads and wondering, "what in the world", God TOTALLY knows. He knows EXACTLY what is going on in my brother's body. And what's great too is that Chris and Kristin have really been rolling with the punches. They are amazing in the way that they embrace each day. In the way they share God and His love with others. In the way that God's light could simply NOT be any brighter as it shines through them. I am in awe to be so blessed to have them as my brother and sister in law.
Praying for clarity. Praying for wisdom. Praying for strength and endurance.
Thank you all so much for all of your prayers. They have blessed me more than you know and I have so felt each and every one.
Ten Dr.'s trying to figure out what is going on in his body. I am utterly confused. I can only imagine how he and Kristin's brains must be spinning.
At this point they are looking at 3 options... however, this number seems to change.
A. We are looking at testicular cancer
B. We are looking at esophageal cancer
C. We are looking at both
Yesterday, the Dr.'s were speculating that this may have been testicular cancer all along. Apparently, it is a hard cancer to pin down. And if it has been, then this is still much better than the esophageal... I think.
Seriously. I can only imagine.
The cool thing is though, that as we sit here scratching our heads and wondering, "what in the world", God TOTALLY knows. He knows EXACTLY what is going on in my brother's body. And what's great too is that Chris and Kristin have really been rolling with the punches. They are amazing in the way that they embrace each day. In the way they share God and His love with others. In the way that God's light could simply NOT be any brighter as it shines through them. I am in awe to be so blessed to have them as my brother and sister in law.
Praying for clarity. Praying for wisdom. Praying for strength and endurance.
Thank you all so much for all of your prayers. They have blessed me more than you know and I have so felt each and every one.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I'll Take a Miracle for 500 Please, Lord
A miracle.
It might be staring us in the face.
A miracle.
My brother and sister in law are currently down in Houston at MD Anderson seeing the #1 specialist in the country for his kind of cancer.
A miracle.
While visiting with the Dr. today, my brother mentioned that his right testicle had been tender for the past few days.
A miracle.
The Dr. ordered an ultrasound and they saw a mass in his right testicle.
A miracle.
The Dr. ordered blood tests and along with his testosterone being quite high some of his other numbers were off.
A miracle.
The Dr. now thinks that his esophageal cancer is NOT back. That, instead, he has been hit by lightening twice...
A miracle.
The Dr. is quite certain that my brother has testicular cancer. They are going to do a biopsy tomorrow.
A miracle.
If this IS testicular cancer, there is a more that 50% chance of survival. If it is NOT... If it IS esophageal cancer there is NO chance of survival. There is only the option of doing chemo to prolong the inevitable.
A miracle.
My brother jokingly said on the phone today that he never thought he would actually pray for testicular cancer.
That is EXACTLY what we're praying for...
A miracle.
It might be staring us in the face.
A miracle.
My brother and sister in law are currently down in Houston at MD Anderson seeing the #1 specialist in the country for his kind of cancer.
A miracle.
While visiting with the Dr. today, my brother mentioned that his right testicle had been tender for the past few days.
A miracle.
The Dr. ordered an ultrasound and they saw a mass in his right testicle.
A miracle.
The Dr. ordered blood tests and along with his testosterone being quite high some of his other numbers were off.
A miracle.
The Dr. now thinks that his esophageal cancer is NOT back. That, instead, he has been hit by lightening twice...
A miracle.
The Dr. is quite certain that my brother has testicular cancer. They are going to do a biopsy tomorrow.
A miracle.
If this IS testicular cancer, there is a more that 50% chance of survival. If it is NOT... If it IS esophageal cancer there is NO chance of survival. There is only the option of doing chemo to prolong the inevitable.
A miracle.
My brother jokingly said on the phone today that he never thought he would actually pray for testicular cancer.
That is EXACTLY what we're praying for...
A miracle.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
My Love
Happy Birthday my best friend. My lover. My partner in life. My husband.
You are an amazing blessing. You are a treasure. You brighten my days.
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for thinking I'm most beautiful in my sweats. Thank you for being the best husband. The best Dad. Simply. The best.
I'm so thankful for how God has made you. I'm so thankful that he made you perfect for me. I'm so thankful for the years we have shared. I am blessed. Our children are blessed.
I love you with every piece of me.
Happy Birthday!
You are an amazing blessing. You are a treasure. You brighten my days.
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for thinking I'm most beautiful in my sweats. Thank you for being the best husband. The best Dad. Simply. The best.
I'm so thankful for how God has made you. I'm so thankful that he made you perfect for me. I'm so thankful for the years we have shared. I am blessed. Our children are blessed.
I love you with every piece of me.
Happy Birthday!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Dizzy
My head is spinning with emotions...
I woke up with peace and hope...
Then calm...
Then more peace and decisions made...
Then news came in about my brother...
It's not stomach cancer.
It's adenocarcinoma of the esophageal junction...
It's even worse...
Trying to cling to the peace and hope that I KNOW God gave me this morning...
As Cory said, "what's changed. There's still odds and who knows which side he will be on."
Deep breaths...
Heading for lunch and then God's word.
Please keep praying
I woke up with peace and hope...
Then calm...
Then more peace and decisions made...
Then news came in about my brother...
It's not stomach cancer.
It's adenocarcinoma of the esophageal junction...
It's even worse...
Trying to cling to the peace and hope that I KNOW God gave me this morning...
As Cory said, "what's changed. There's still odds and who knows which side he will be on."
Deep breaths...
Heading for lunch and then God's word.
Please keep praying
Friday, July 3, 2009
God's Words
I opened my Bible yesterday and my eyes went straight to a verse I had highlighted on Monday.
I went on to read...
"But I will restore you to health,
I will heal all your wounds,
declares the Lord..."
Jeremiah 30:17
I will heal all your wounds,
declares the Lord..."
Jeremiah 30:17
I went on to read...
"Young maidens will dance and be glad,
young men and old as well.
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."
Jeremiah 31:13
young men and old as well.
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."
Jeremiah 31:13
These verses gave me great comfort. A reminder of God's love for me. A reminder that he can pull me out of this pit. He's done it before. He'll do it again. A reminder that even if a miracle does not occur, that my wounds will heal. That my mourning will turn to gladness. That their will be joy. A reminder that God is forever faithful. Forever.
And even a reminder that He is the ultimate physician. He knows better than any Dr. and He can give us a miracle. Praying for that miracle.
And even a reminder that He is the ultimate physician. He knows better than any Dr. and He can give us a miracle. Praying for that miracle.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Tired. Done. Broken.
I've been so tired lately. Tired of trying to figure out the best way to raise my children. Tired of fighting with my husband. Tired of praying and having to be okay with the outcome. Tired.
Last week the phone rang. It was my mom. One of my brother's lymph nodes had grown a bit, but as my brother said they weren't that concerned since it was still under 1 cm. What did have them a little concerned was that one of his blood counts were up. Instead of in the normal range which is around 3, his was 33. Truly, I was a little concerned, but knew that it just had to be nothing. And if it wasn't nothing, it was early and all would be well.
We've prayed for my brother all week. All week.
Then, the phone rang yesterday. It was my mom. I was already having a crummy day and almost didn't pick up. But, I did. There were those words. I couldn't understand. Her words made no sense. I made her repeat herself. And then, my stomach turned.
I had to call Cory. Surely, he could make sense of it all. Gasping for air I told him the news. He came straight home to hold me. To comfort me.
I. Don't. Understand.
My brother.
There has to be a mistake.
I talked to my brother yesterday and he too is trying to make sense of it all. He said that his Dr.'s medical opinion is that his cancer is incurable because it seems to have survived through his intense chemo and radiation last fall. Incurable because it is back and is moving quite aggressively. Currently, it is not in any of his organs, but is in lymph nodes throughout his body. His Dr. recommended getting a second opinion. They are going to try and see if they can see a Dr. at a big cancer research center in Seattle in the next week.
How can this be?
My brother.
Quite frankly. I'm done. Done. Really, I'm not okay with anything less than a miracle. I'm not. I hesitate even saying those words. I can hear the gasps. I don't care.
I don't care that Heaven is so much better than here. The point is that it's not here. It's not here with his wonderful wife. It's not here with his children. It's not here with his Mom and Dad. It's not here with his sisters.
After last weeks news I was talking to my brother. I said that cancer sucks. He told me it didn't. That it builds character.
What good is character if you're not here to show your boys how to be men. What's the point??
I find myself gasping. Trying to find air. Knowing it's there somewhere.
I don't understand.
I'm praying for a miracle. Praying that Chris's Dr. was wrong. Praying he had no clue what he was talking about. Praying that he would be healed here on earth. Praying for Kristin. Praying for Connor, Brooklynn and Kyle. Praying.
Last week the phone rang. It was my mom. One of my brother's lymph nodes had grown a bit, but as my brother said they weren't that concerned since it was still under 1 cm. What did have them a little concerned was that one of his blood counts were up. Instead of in the normal range which is around 3, his was 33. Truly, I was a little concerned, but knew that it just had to be nothing. And if it wasn't nothing, it was early and all would be well.
We've prayed for my brother all week. All week.
Then, the phone rang yesterday. It was my mom. I was already having a crummy day and almost didn't pick up. But, I did. There were those words. I couldn't understand. Her words made no sense. I made her repeat herself. And then, my stomach turned.
I had to call Cory. Surely, he could make sense of it all. Gasping for air I told him the news. He came straight home to hold me. To comfort me.
I. Don't. Understand.
My brother.
There has to be a mistake.
I talked to my brother yesterday and he too is trying to make sense of it all. He said that his Dr.'s medical opinion is that his cancer is incurable because it seems to have survived through his intense chemo and radiation last fall. Incurable because it is back and is moving quite aggressively. Currently, it is not in any of his organs, but is in lymph nodes throughout his body. His Dr. recommended getting a second opinion. They are going to try and see if they can see a Dr. at a big cancer research center in Seattle in the next week.
How can this be?
My brother.
Quite frankly. I'm done. Done. Really, I'm not okay with anything less than a miracle. I'm not. I hesitate even saying those words. I can hear the gasps. I don't care.
I don't care that Heaven is so much better than here. The point is that it's not here. It's not here with his wonderful wife. It's not here with his children. It's not here with his Mom and Dad. It's not here with his sisters.
After last weeks news I was talking to my brother. I said that cancer sucks. He told me it didn't. That it builds character.
What good is character if you're not here to show your boys how to be men. What's the point??
I find myself gasping. Trying to find air. Knowing it's there somewhere.
I don't understand.
I'm praying for a miracle. Praying that Chris's Dr. was wrong. Praying he had no clue what he was talking about. Praying that he would be healed here on earth. Praying for Kristin. Praying for Connor, Brooklynn and Kyle. Praying.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
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