The View

I've been thinking a lot about the view lately. The view that God has... thinking about the big picture. Thinking about what it is in my life that is God, me, or Satan.

I've been feeling overwhelmed for what seems like months now. Overwhelmed with life. Overwhelmed with life with 5 healthy kids. Extremely overwhelmed with life with 5 sick kids. Overwhelmed with commitments. Just plain overwhelmed.

The alarm went off at a very choice moment this morning. I was having a terrible dream and was screaming at someone from church. Screaming because more was wanted of me and I had nothing left to give. Wow... In life outside my dream, this woman is a very nice lady. I would never scream at her, nor would I ever want to scream at her. But, my dream sure got me thinking...

I often wonder, WHY things happen. I'm one to believe that things do not happen by chance. That there is a purpose to everything... Whether God is behind it or not is what I wonder. We've all been sick for what seems like forever. I've had sick kids when I've offered to help friends with their kids. I've had to cancel. I wonder, are my sick kids God's way of telling me to slow down? Or is it the opposite? Is the enemy preying on my family. Keeping us from fulfilling our purpose. Is he causing me to feel so overwhelmed. Or is life just crazy and he's preying on that?

It seems that as I ask my friends how they are doing, they too, are VERY overwhelmed. I feel like many of us are starting to retreat from our lives. From things that we would normally love. Just because we are tired. We are done. I know for me, I would like to curl up in a ball and hibernate for awhile...

The thing is, wherever all this is coming from, I can choose which way I will allow it to take me. I get to choose to either curl up in that ball, or reach out to my friends who seem to be struggling through the same feelings. Wouldn't the enemy love for us all to curl up in balls? To disconnect? To isolate? I can just see him, grinning, rubbing his hands together, laughing an evil laugh...

As hard as it is to step out right now, I do feel like it is incredibly important. Even if it is just coffee and play dates with friends. Or a girls night. We all need a little recharging and I'm really starting to realize just how important that is. Not only for myself, but for my husband, my children, and for the commitments I've already made.

I get excited when I think about what God sees. That He gets to see it ALL. I wish I could see it all, but I'm sure that would REALLY overwhelm me. So, I'll take it, one day at a time. Trying to be conscious of all my decisions. Trying to keep my eyes on God.

When I pray with my kids at night, I often end it by praying that tomorrow will be a good day and that we will be able to make God smile. I pray that as I try to uncurl from this ball, that I would be able to make God smile. That my choices would be pleasing to Him. That His view of my life would be beautiful and glorifying to Him. And yet again, I'm so thankful for God's love, grace and mercy. And so very thankful that He trusts me enough to bless me with all that is on my plate. I love you Lord!

Schedule Change

I love blogging. Yep. Sure do. I love the journaling aspect. I love to connect with others. I love putting my real life out there to dispel any rumors of supermom. I love that I've met some amazing, women who share similar walks in life. I love the support. I love the encouragement. I love the sense of community. I love it all!

What I don't love... my habits that have gone out the window. My habits that have crept in, ever so quietly. I don't love that I've neglected my coffee talk with God. I don't love that my children have had to wait "one more minute" one too many times. I don't love that I've become so addicted. Yes. Addicted.

I find myself sad that the day is gone when I kiss my kids goodnight. I wish we would have played more. Gone on more walks. Laughed more. Listened more.

I find myself missing God. Talking to him at night just doesn't cut it. I end up falling asleep in the middle of the conversation... if someone were to do that to me, I would absolutely be hurt. Feel neglected. I miss our coffee talk.

Last night I went to sleep praying. I started with thanking the Lord for all my amazing blessings. I then went on to pray for all the many people that are on my prayer list... those I know in real life and those I've discovered in blogland. I then went on to apologize for my behavior. I made a promise to God... He and my children get my morning. All of my morning. No longer will I sit down as soon as the kids are out the door to blog. Just can't happen anymore. No quick glances. No "just a minutes". No computer. Nothing.

Holy cow. Who knew it would be so hard? I was up throwing the diapers in the dryer this morning and seriously thought to myself, "I could just go check really quick. They would never know. They don't even know I made the promise in the first place." Wow. Satan is smooth! I could just hear him hissing at me. The point is, I didn't promise my children. I promised God. I could just see myself, standing at the gates and there's God... "remember when you made me that promise??" I finished my job and went straight downstairs to my beautiful children.

So, here at sit. At a different time of day. And just fine. Praising the Lord for 2nd, 3rd, 4th and more chances. Praising the Lord for the amazing blessing of my children. Praising the Lord that I GET to have my coffee talk with Him. Even praising the Lord for blogland, because it is a good thing. As long as I keep it all in perspective...
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And since I was talking diapers, I just have to share... this is not for the easily disgusted. If you are, move on by...

I found a funny thing in the wash today. While moving the diapers from washer to dryer I noticed a weird looking object. Almost papery. I then realized just what it was and wanted to pass on a bit of advice...

Whenever you give your child a cupcake, make sure you REMOVE the paper baking cup BEFORE they enjoy the treat. It just does NOT digest well.
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And since I was speaking of blessings, I have to share these...

My bloggy friend Megan just bestowed this award on me. I have to say this is one of my absolute favorites and I was SO excited to see it. If you know me in real life or have read most of my posts, you'll see why...

Thanks Megan!!! I LOVE hugs!

The rules on this one? I'm to pass it on to 10 people who make me feel special. There are so many more than 10, so that's a hard one, but since I neglected to pass the last awards on and felt SO guilty about it, I will follow the rules. Here they are in random order...

Dee
Amy
Danyele
Kelli
Beth E.
Liz
Jen
Trish
Krista
Heidi

I know most of these women in real life and some through blogging. They are amazing. They are women who have so encouraged me whether it be with just a hug or with their words. I am so blessed to know them... Some have encouraged me with their comments on my blog. Or maybe an email saying how they have been blessed by me sharing my experiences. And like I said, some have just been such an encouragement with just their hugs. God has blessed me beyond words...
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And because I'm now getting a little winded even for me and because my time is running out, I just have to share this...

This...


And this...


I won a blog button from my friend Cassandra and she and her hubby made the first one. Well, that got me inspired and I decided to have some fun with it too! So, with a little help from Cassandra and time (I'm working on that!) I created the next 2. It was fun. And addictive. Darn it!

So, I now have a, scratch that, 3 buttons for my blog. I figured for a girl who can't keep the same background for long, I better have more than one button too! If you want one, grab the code on the side bar.

Happy Wednesday!

Not Me Monday

Cory asked me this morning if I was okay. To which I responded, "I'm tired. I'm hungry. And I'm crabby. I don't want it to be Monday." His reply? Little twit, "Oh but, it's Not Me Monday!!! Your favorite thing about Mondays!! I bet you even have it all ready in your head, don't you?" Then he elbows me in the ribs and gets a giggle. Love you honey! Thanks.

So here we are, it's Not Me Monday. This little bit of fantasticness was started by MckMama over at My Charming Kids. It truly is one of the things that makes Monday more bearable for me. A time when I can purge all the things that I, of course, would never do, would never have said to me, would never think, etc.

When answering the door last night for Bible study, my friend's sweet almost 4 year old little girl did not take one look at my tummy and look up excitedly to say, "you have a baby in your tummy!!!" To which I did not reply by saying, "no honey, I don't, I've just had lots of babies and I just have a big belly." I did not feel terrible for her parents because I can only imagine how I would feel. I did not take this comment to heart after all, it was not the first day of my period. I was not already bloated and feeling like crap. I do NOT have more weight to lose than I care to admit. And Cory and I had not just had a conversation about what I can do ABOUT my issues. I do NOT have issues. I do NOT have way too much weight to lose. My body is NOT unrecognizable. And I do NOT have issues!!! Nope. Not me.

So this morning, I did not eat 3 egg whites cooked with 1 cup of spinach for breakfast...

My husband did not get a good laugh out of me this week when watching me grab a couple q-tips on my way to the bathroom. He did not laugh and wonder what in the world I was doing while I proceeded to clean my ears and pee at the same time. I did not then ask him what he was laughing about and I did not respond by proudly saying that I was multi-tasking. What he fails to realize is that unless I multi-task these things they will get long neglected. My bladder would explode. I would be deaf. Bad things would happen. But, of course, I would NEVER dream of cleaning my ears while peeing. That would be a bit gross... Nope. Not me.

I did NOT get a little chuckle this week as I raced out of our neighborhood on Thursday night. I did not laugh at the fact that as I was racing away from my house and children, my neighbor was racing home to be in her house with her child. I did not find it funny that we were on opposite missions. She - working full time. 1 year old baby. Hates to be away. Can't wait to hold him in her arms. Me - Had not been out of the house since SATURDAY and it was now THURSDAY. Had been taking care of sick kids for TWO weeks. Done. Of course, I love my children and I would NEVER race away from them. And if I did, I SURELY would NOT enjoy EVERY second that I got to spend with my friend while we enjoyed a nice, delicious, cup of coffee. Absolutely not...

And I was NOT the least bit sad when I used up the last of my Starbucks card. (okay, not the last, there is about $.75 left) I was not then excited that at least my birthday will be here in 6 weeks and maybe, just maybe, I'll get another one for my birthday. I do NOT like to have a Starbucks treat every now and then and I have NOT been having one more now than then lately... Nope. Sure haven't.

Oh and I surely did NOT change my background AGAIN. Nor am I planning on changing it AGAIN. I do not change it with my mood. I do NOT miss the one I had before... to find it's been taken. I do NOT intend on changing my background today because it's of course, NOT raining and cold AGAIN and my current background is MUCH too springy for THIS weather!

Finally, I have not fallen more in love with my sweet children and wonderful husband this week. I did not feel entirely blessed to come racing home to a clean house on Saturday morning right before Ella's birthday party. I was NOT entirely thankful that I have such an amazing husband. I did not melt into Brent's hand as he snuggled on my lap Saturday night and put his hand up to my cheek to gently pull my face closer to his. I did not get a little lump in my throat and have the biggest smile on my face as I watched Ella sing and dance to Barbie and the Diamond Castle. (Of course, my daughter would never watch that!!) I did NOT love that I got a Saturday morning with just Jack and I. I was not loving every second as we walked through the store holding hands...

There you have it... have a giggle. Have a laugh. Then tell me... what did you NOT do this week??

4th Birthday - Round 3

I had a knot in my throat Friday night as I went to send out an email. It was an email to my friends... Ella's friend's moms. It was an email saying that we needed to cancel her party on Saturday morning. I was so disappointed for my little girl who was very adamant that she would not be 4 until all her friends had celebrated her birthday with her.

Why would I cancel?? My throat has been hurting but I had just chalked it up to all of us being sick. However, when I took a peek in my throat on Friday night, I noticed the dreaded white spots on my tonsils. I have never had strep throat, but I've heard of those darn dreaded white spots...

My calm, cool and collected husband suggested that we wait until the morning. I could go to the same day clinic and we would decide from there. So, at 8:15, Jack and I headed out so that we could be first in line when the doors opened at 9:00.

As I mentioned before, I get a little anxious at the Dr. and I get really anxious when there's a line. We were first in the parking lot. I sat waiting in the car because I didn't think the main doors would be open. A couple pulls up, hops out and goes inside. I sat wondering... were those nurses? Dr's? Patients?? Another car pulled up a few minutes later and we decided to head on in. The couple ended up being patients. So, although we were there first, we were now 2nd in line... darn it!

Jack and I did have a nice little date though. He sat in my lap. I read his Bible to him. It was fantastic to get some one on one time with him. We both ate it up! It was a wonderful Saturday morning together, complete with a Dr.'s office, sick people and snuggles.

We got called back quickly. I had asked that they take a look at Jack too since his ears had been bugging him for awhile. Poor boy. She took a look at his "good" ear and saw that it was infected. She moved over to the "bad" ear and said, "oh my, I can sure see why your ear hurts so bad". Twisting a knife in my chest would have had about the same effect. I felt so bad for him. I knew his ears weren't great, but I never imagined they were THAT bad.

She moved onto me and I was so thankful to hear that I did not have strep. She said they've been seeing lots of nasty throats and there are lots of other reasons other than strep to have the dreaded white spots. Phew! The party could go on!

We raced to the store, dropped the prescription off, used up the last of my Starbucks gift card, picked up some Tinkerbell cupcakes and headed home. My heart was racing as I pulled up to the house at 10:40. Thankfully, my amazing husband, had cleaned up the house and all I had to do was put the food out, make coffee and get little miss dressed.

The girls had fun playing. I so enjoyed being able to visit with my friends. And now, Ella can in all confidence say, "I am 4!" Happy Birthday sweet Princess... please just don't go growing too fast!

Spring Is In The Air

The sun is shining
Noses are running
Nap time is here...

The sun is shining
Playtime is calling
It's 50 degrees out there!

We might just have to skip some naps
To go outside and play
Because you just never know
When the sun will go away...

My Face Is Yellow

Brenton's vocabulary grows daily. He is funny... even when he has no idea. He is cracking me up...

He walked up to me yesterday,

B: My face is yellow!

Me: Your face is yellow??

B: Yesssss. My face is yellow. I need taptick (chapstick)

Me: Oh. Your face is yellow.

B has had a nasty cold and his poor little face is dry as can be. We've been having to put lotion and chapstick on him like it's nobody's business. Apparently, he's now turning yellow too!
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After giving B a bath last night, I thought I'd pull out the nice and cozy footie pajamas. He has not worn these in a year. As soon as I pulled them out...

B: Those a babies??

Me: Are these for a baby??

B: Yesssss

Me: Are you a baby?

B: No

Me: Are you a big boy?

B: No. I a Brenton.

Me: But are you a big boy or a baby?

B: A Brenton.

Me: Big boy or a baby?

B: Big boy.

Me: Nope. Big boys wear underwear. You're still my baby. Do you want to wear underwear and be a big boy?

B: No. I a baby.

I later got him talked into being a big boy and wanting to wear underwear. However, when I asked him the same question this morning, he was back to being a baby.
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While on the computer last night...

B: I want you.

Me: You want me??

B: Yessssss. I want you REALLY bad!
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I found a little tiny floaty in the tub last night...

Me: Who did this?? Who got poopy in the tub?

B: Ella did it!!!

Me: Really? Or did you try to toot?

B: No. Ella did it.

Now, I'm sure it was him. You should have seen the look on his face. That boy doesn't miss a beat.

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Brenton walked up to me yesterday with the smell of mint on his face. This was shortly after the yellow face conversation so I was sure that he had gotten into my chapstick...

Me: Did you get into my purse again?

B: No. I didn't.

Me: Why does your face smell like mint? What did you do?

B: Because.

Me: Buddy. What did you get into (all said while racing for my purse to see what damage had been done)

There was little damage done. And I couldn't find any chapstick that smelled like his face. I was perplexed.

A few hours later I went to grab a washcloth out of my towel drawer. This is what I found. This is not how my towel drawer usually looks...


Upon further inspection of the green spotted washcloth, I discovered that it, too, smelled like mint. I put 2 and 2 together and realized that Brenton had gotten into the mints in the pantry, had eaten one and then proceeded to wipe the evidence from his face.


When I questioned him...

Me: B, did you eat a mint out of the pantry??

B: YESSSSSSS!!!!

Me: Why did you do that? You didn't ask??

B: Becausssssse!!!

Oh this boy. He is hilarious. And he knows we get a kick out of him. I am so thankful for him. For our conversations. For his budding vocabulary... to think that at his 2 year appointment, I was concerned about his lack of talking. He honestly only had about 20 words at that point. Now, he is a talking champ and oh so much fun!!

So Much To Say

There are little bits of randomness looming in the air. I've been photo tagged. Purse tagged. Awarded. And have even WON something... two things actually! So, because I feel like a little girl who has failed to turn her homework in on time, here you go...

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My friend, Annaliese, over at Protagonistically Inclined tagged me last week. The task? To post the 6th picture from the 6th folder on my computer and share the story behind the picture...


This picture was taken June 10, 2007. Cory was teaching Caden to ride his bike without training wheels. The funny thing? Caden was 6 years old before he was able to accomplish this task. Jackson? He was 4. He saw his brother doing it, thought it looked like fun, got bribed with a little money, and off he went.

The difference between the two boys is amazing. Caden is reserved. Cautious. He's a perfectionist... if he can't do it perfect the very first time he just doesn't even want to try. Jackson is cautious, just in other ways. If he thinks he is in control he is good to go. Take that control away though and he will plant his feet. I took him on the carousel once... he hated every. single. second. He is, however, a go getter... hence, riding his bike two years before his brother. The challenge that we faced with him, was getting him to ride the new bike we got him for his 5th birthday. He was so used to riding his "little" bike, that when it came time to switch to a bigger bike that actually fit him, he was a no go... he's not big on change. Oh my sweet boys! Love them. Love them. Love them!

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The next task at hand? My new bloggy friend, Kelli, over at Outside My Kitchen Window, actually tagged my purse. It's called What's in the bag? And I thought this was kind of fun. Embarrassing too...

Here are the rules for the tag:
1. Post a picture of whatever bag you have today - not last weekend when you and your hubby went out to that fabulous restaurant. No cheating!!!
2. Tell us how much it cost. This is a no-judgment zone -- there will be no ridiculing or eye rolling here. And, if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, I'd love to hear it.
3. Now tag some fellow bloggers and link back to this post so people know why you are posting pictures of your bag.

I'm tagging whoever wants to participate. I thought this was fun!! Show me what you got!

Here's the bag...

Not too fun. Not too exciting. As you can see, I'm a practical kind of girl. This may make some gasp, but I only have ONE purse. Yep, just one. I bought it last year with my birthday money because my old purse was just too little. Of course, it probably would have been just fine if I had cleaned it out every once in awhile... The cost? I believe it was $19.99.

Here's what's inside...

What a mess!!! There are receipts going back to the 1st of January. My grocery game lists from weeks ago. My grocery list from weeks ago. My wallet. Our chiropractor cards. Coupons. A check from my sister in law. Chapstick. Lip gloss (that I never use). Monthly necessities X 3. TWO empty Target cards. My new Place Perks cards. A pen. A pointsfinder. A cd my Mom made for the kids that I keep meaning to put in the car. A planner (that I've yet to use). An empty container that's used to hold Ibuprofen. A card that I got last spring whose words touched my heart and remind me of God's bigger view. And finally, a Starbucks card that I received from my friend Lee Ann for winning a little contest on her blog. I was so excited because I never win anything! Which leads me to this...

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For a girl who never wins anything, I've now won TWO things recently. The above mentioned card AND a button for my blog from my bloggy friend, Cassandra, over at Momma Needs a Time Out. Holy cow!! A button. Little old me gets a button!! How exciting!
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Oh Kelli, my sweet new friend Kelli. I mentioned her above. She also gave me a little award. Thanks Kelli!!

The rules of this award are:

Put the logo on your blog or post.
Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

The problem? How do I choose 10? I love all the blogs I read. If they didn't have great attitude or gratitude, I wouldn't read them. So, if I follow you or link you, you're tagged! Awards are always so fun. Fun to see that someone appreciates you... and I appreciate ALL of you that so inspire me. That make me laugh. That encourage me. That support me. YOU are ALL amazing!!
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To finish off this random post, here are some pictures from Ella's birthday last night...

This is her posing... I went to take a picture before she opened her presents and this is what she gave me. I have NO idea what she is doing!

Uncle Nathan, Aunt Traci and Jonas...

Aunt Traci made Ella a BIG girl necklace...

Barbie on a bike from Grandma Jackie...


Love you Grandma Jackie!


Seriously. My daughter cracks. me. up. When she opened up her dresses from Uncle Nathan, Aunt Traci and Jonas she started dancing with them. Here she is shaking her booty...


Ella was so excited when I went in to wake her up from her nap. As I've mentioned before, my girl gets so excited when I dress up. So, in honor of her birthday, I put on a dress. Her eyes lit up when I walked in the room...


Goofy girl. I had to light her candle again as we were half way through "Happy Birthday". She kept blowing it out!

B, shoving it in. Nice...

What a princess!


Happy Wednesday!

Happy Birthday Sweet Princess

Four years ago we waited. Waited for you to arrive. You didn't appear to be coming anytime soon and my Dr. was going out of town. We decided to be induced and checked into the hospital at midnight on February 17, 2005. Once things got going, you came quickly. After 5 minutes of pushing you were here. My sweet baby girl. I never knew how much I wanted you until I had you...

You were a surprise to us. A giggle from God. We never thought we would ever be surprised and yet, there we were, shocked. My pregnancy with you was so unlike your brothers that I was sure you were a girl. However, because we already 2 boys, I was sure we would have another. When the ultrasound tech said you were a girl, tears started streaming down my face. I was beyond excited.

You scared us a bit when your brain showed cysts that can be indicators of trisomy 18. For weeks, I prayed. For weeks I was terrified. Terrified that the baby girl that surprised us so... that the baby girl that we were so excited about... that the baby girl we so desired... would be going straight to Heaven.

Words cannot describe how we felt when the Dr. told us that you would be okay. That your cysts were gone. That every piece of you was perfect. I went straight home and went shopping for all sorts of little girl things. Everything pink!

You entered this world and were such an angel. I was so worried that I would not be a good mom to 3. I was so worried because Jackson was only 17 1/2 months old when you were born. I soon found that my worries were silly. You were such a wonderful baby. The boys did great. You were and continue to be an amazing blessing!


You are a girly girl through and through. Yet, you have no trouble keeping up with your brothers. You love to dress up as a princess and have no problem getting dirty and playing pirates with your brothers...


You are so loved by your big brothers and you so love your baby brother. You are tender. Caring. Loving. Funny. Tenacious. You have your own opinion and will let it be heard.


You prefer dresses to pants. Especially if those dresses are frilly and poofy. You LOVE to dress up! You love to dance. You twirl. You sing songs. You are full of life and love!


My sweet girl. You call me your best friend and I take that as such a compliment. You are my girl. You are Daddy's girl. You love with your whole heart. You sweet soul shines through. You are amazing! You are beautiful inside and out.


I praise the Lord for how he has made you. I am so excited to see how He will use your tender heart. I am so excited to see where He will lead you... please just don't let it be too far away from me and Daddy!


Lord, thank you for blessing us with Ella. Thank you for knowing us better than we know ourselves. Thank you for giggling! She is more than I ever could have imagined. She brightens my days. She warms my heart. Thank you. I love you!