Freedom

I'm waiting for the collective gasp. The looks. The stares. The whispers. I did something that many just won't understand... but maybe. Just maybe. Others might know what I'm talking about. Maybe they'll do it too.

I broke up with Facebook. Yep. You read it correctly. I broke up with Facebook. It really wasn't difficult... although they really fought for me. I just had to put my foot down. Say enough is enough. Cut the tie.

I laughed as I said goodbye. I had to choose a reason for leaving. My choice? I don't find it useful. Their response? Find more friends. Download more things. Really? So, then I decided to see what would happen if I clicked, "spend too much time on Facebook." The response? Don't get the notification emails. But really, they didn't have my reason...

I signed up for Facebook because I got an invitation from a friend. Of course I wanted to be her friend. She was my friend. I gave them all my info and was amazed at how quickly I started hearing from people I hadn't heard from in years. College roommates. High school friends. There were games. It was fun. Then I just got overwhelmed.

How do you even start to keep in touch? And really? I was getting friend requests from people who I didn't really even know. People I went to high school with that, let's face it, I don't really think they were wanting to get back in touch...

I wasn't one to make many friend requests. I didn't want to assume someone wanted to be "my friend". I didn't want to make them feel awkward if they wanted to say, "no". But, by the time we broke up, I was a little amazed. There were many people that had "found" me that I would love to keep in touch with and others that, as I said, I'm not sure why they asked to be my friend in the first place.

As overwhelming as it was to me, that wasn't the reason I left either. I left because I'm insecure. Always have been. Probably always will be. I left because I started feeling like I was in high school again... pretty much the most insecure I've ever been. Not pretty enough. Not liked enough. A wall flower. Unable to measure up.

I sat wondering why so and so didn't write ME a message. What's wrong with me? Why can't I get up and go work out like this person? Why can't I go on outings with my kids like that person? Why can't I clean my house as much? Satan was loving every second.

It's ridiculous really. I know. I know. I know too, that I can't allow the enemy to pick on me like that. It's even started to flow over into blogging. The one thing that I have loved doing. The one thing that I've been able to keep safe. Not caring how many comments or who comments. Writing my thoughts has truly been therapeutic. But, oh how that darn insecurity has been flowing over.

I've started caring. Wondering why I don't get comments. Wondering if people think my thoughts are dumb... am I dumb? I see how many come take a peek. Way more than I ever thought... If they liked me they'd comment. I've started comparing other people's comments to mine. Other people's followers to mine. I even lost a follower. Which causes me to wonder. What did I say? Did I offend? Or am I just downright boring? I wonder what makes people come back. Why do they keep reading?

It's all ridiculous. I know that I truly don't care. That my blog was not created to boost my ego. My blog is not about wanting people to like me. Or even approve. My blog IS about my thoughts. My struggles. My joys. My blog IS about my walk with God. My blog is a way for me to get my thoughts out. To see God in all of it. I pray that my blog blesses others. I pray that my struggles bless others. I pray that it's not all for nothing...

I have a friend. She's been my friend for a few years now. But, just recently we started getting to know each other better. She has had struggles. Struggles that I'm dealing with now. Her walk has blessed my life. She has mentored me. She has said how thankful she is that her years of struggle could bless me. That they would not be wasted. I am so thankful for her. Thankful that she's been there, done that. Thankful that I'm not alone on this journey. I KNOW I have God, but it's nice to have a friend too!

That's what I hope for my blog. That it could touch others. That God would be glorified through my every day. When I start feeling insecure. When I make my blog about me and my needs, I'm doing exactly what I don't want...

So, I did it. I broke up with Facebook. I don't regret it. I enjoy it really. It's been freeing. I can feel Satan getting pushed far from me. He isn't able to get me. I feel free. It's beautiful! Praise the Lord!