Reflecting

I would love to say that I've always been good at spending time with Jesus. Reading His words. Cherishing what He has to say. I would love to say that I've always been consistent. Unfortunately, I can't. I can say, however, that this last year has shown me so much. I have had more time with Jesus in the last year than I've ever had. I have curled up in my chair. Coffee in hand. And just basked in His wonderful, beautiful glory. Cherishing my moments with Him. So much so, that for awhile, I'd get crabby when my time with Him was over... Crabby that I actually had to go back and do life. Nice. Real nice.

There have been moments that His words have made me laugh. Laugh because He's using MY words. He's talking the way I talk. So funny how His words, written so long ago, talk directly to me...

"For You are my lamp, O Lord;
The Lord shall enlighten my darkness,
For by You I can run against a troop;
By my God I can leap over a wall.
As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

For who is God, except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?
God is my strength and power,
And He makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on high places...

You have also given me the shield of Your salvation;
Your gentleness has made me great.
You enlarged my path under me;
So my feet did not slip...

For you have armed me with strength for the battle...

The Lord lives!
Blessed be my Rock!
Let God be exalted,
The Rock of my salvation!"

2 Samuel 22:29-37, 40 and 47

I call my kids my troop. God knew I was struggling. He knew I needed a chuckle. He knew that if He used my words, I would get it. I am constantly repeating that verse in my head. Please Lord, help me go up against the troops!

God's words have guided me in my decisions...

"Concerning this temple which you are building, if you walk in My statutes, execute My judgements, keep all My commandments, and walk in them, then I will perform My word with you..." 1 Kings 6:12

God's words have shown me that I CANNOT do it. IT is not me. IT is ALL God. I am merely His vessel. He has given me His words to keep me from believing the lies...

"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4

He has shown me that I am PERFECTLY made. HE made me. HE does not make mistakes. He sees me as perfect. I am beautiful to HIM. NOTHING will make me better. He made me. Plain and simple. Again. He DOES NOT make mistakes. He made me for HIS purposes.

"He fashions their hearts individually; he considers all their works." Psalm 33:15

God is always there. Always. He knows me inside and out. He knows all my days. He is always there.

"O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, you are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there;
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me,"
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

For you formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

How precious also are Your thought to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You." Psalm 139:1-18

Like many, I've been reflecting on the past year. Looking at where God has brought us. Seeing where we have grown. Seeing His footprints as He's carried us. I can vividly remember the night I went to bed. Hopeless. Joyless. Wondering how I would ever have hope again. Wondering if I would ever find my smile again. Wondering just how to put one foot in front of the other. I can remember waking up the next morning. Weight lifted. Filled with hope. Filled with joy. Feeling God. Knowing that God had done a good work in me. He cares. He loves me. He took my pain. He gave me my smile. There is no other explanation. I could not have gotten there on my own. Especially overnight. I praise God for giving me both of those days. Yes. BOTH. I'm thankful to have been at my lowest so that I could see God raise me up. He continues to be so very faithful.

I look forward to the next year. I'm so curious to see where we are headed. I'm so thankful that no matter where we are that God will be there. Walking along side of us. Carrying us when we need Him to. Guiding us. Whispering to us. Loving us.

I praise you Lord! Thank you for my family. For my healthy children. For my wonderful, loving and healthy husband. Thank you for loving us just as we are. Thank you for stretching us. Thank you for all the times you've carried us through. Thank you for our coffee talk. I love spending that time with you. I love you!

Happy New Year!

Whatever You're Doing

"It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything
I surrender...
To...

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
And tho it's hard to surrender to what I can't see
I'm giving in to something heavenly
Something heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out"

I love this song by Sanctus Real. Every time I hear it, I do as it says... "Take a deep breath, let everything out". My shoulders release their weight. My heart swells. I remember. This journey that I'm on is bigger. Bigger than me.

I have many friends who are on journeys of their own. They're going through trials. They've been through trials. Whenever I hear this song I think of them.

As we get closer to the new year, this keeps ringing in my head...

"Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything
I surrender..."

Am I surrendering? Everything? Am I doing EVERYTHING to follow HIS will? Am I asking God where HE wants me? Am I asking God what HE wants from me?

I went to bed last night. Praying hard. Praying that God would help me be a better mom. That I would not be so impatient with my children. That instead of saying, "because I said so", that I would explain. Teach. That I would reflect God's love for them. That they would remember more than just an impatient, imperfect Mama. I don't mind them remembering the imperfect part. Shoot. Why would I want them to think otherwise. I'm not. They'll never be. Why pretend? But impatient? Nope. I want them to see God's love. God's patience. God.

Praying for a year full of blessings. Praying for God to continue to guide us along. Praying that we would remember to look to him. Every single second. Praying that I wouldn't give in to my flesh. Praying I choose God and not to be impatient.


Lord, you are beautiful. You are loving. You are patient. I pray that you would fill me with your peace. I pray that you would continue to guide me and carry me through. I pray that I would be able to bring you joy. That my life would make you smile. Thank you Jesus for loving me. Just as I am. Thank you for growing me. You are beyond amazing. I love you!

Not Me Monday

It's Not Me Monday again and I thought I'd give it another go. It's kind of fun! McKMama isn't doing her "Not Me's" today, but go visit her anyway. She and her family could use your prayers right now. Stellan seems to have a nasty cold that is kicking his tail. Please. Please. Please be praying for that little miracle boy!

Now. As for my Not Me's. Remember. I did none of this... despite what anyone might tell you.

I did not take over 300 pictures of our fun in the snow. I wouldn't do that. Why bother? They all end up looking much the same anyway. Why would I want to torture my family like that? Who has the time to look through ALL those pictures anyway. I would know when to say when. Really.

I did not proceed to put two different sweaters on Brenton on Christmas Eve. Taking pictures of him in both of them. Wanting to see which sweater washed him out less. Who cares anyway? Not me. I wouldn't do that. Again. Why would I torture him like that. I wouldn't. I don't care about no stinkin' sweater...

I did not take a deep sigh of relief when I realized that the sweater I DID NOT choose to have him wear was the sweater he wore last year. Why would I care if we were all wearing what we had worn the year before. I wouldn't. It doesn't matter. Who cares if our Christmas Eve pictures look identical to last years... okay. Maybe not identical. The kids are all a year older. Not me though!

And I absolutely would NOT make my poor sister in law take a dozen pictures of my family on Christmas Eve. One would absolutely be enough. Who cares if the kids weren't looking at the camera at the same time for almost EVERY picture. I most certainly wouldn't. Why would I get irritated at my children. They are just kids after all. Asking them to hold still is like asking the rain to stop falling. I know that. Really.

I did not gain back the 2 lbs. I lost last week. And I absolutely would not wonder if it was because NO peppermint bark was eaten this week. Truly. Why would I think that peppermint bark would make me lose weight. I would never consider to stay on an all peppermint bark diet. That would not be healthy. Nope. Not me. Well, maybe.

I did not get sad when the snow started melting. And I most definitely would not pray for more snow. Of course I'm sick of it. Why would I want more? Why would I want to be stuck at home with my family? I absolutely would not obsessively look at the forecast. Praying for some snowflakes in our future. I wouldn't do that. Not me.

I did not seriously consider NOT brushing my teeth before church yesterday. That would be disgusting. Why would I let a wonderfully delicious cup of hot coffee sway me. I wouldn't. Just because everyone knows toothpaste and coffee do not mix does NOT mean I can go without brushing. Gross. Just. Plain. Gross. I would NEVER!!

I did not go to bed praising the Lord that there was still another week before school started again. Why would I do that? Who likes to sleep in until 8:26 anyway? And who likes to stay in their pajamas all day? And there's no way I would want to miss out on making lunches at 6:45 am. Nope. Not me. I would never be thankful that we still have one more week before school starts. I would never want to sleep the day away like that. There's far too much to be done. And remember? I like 6:30...

I did not just ignore 2 phone calls so I could finish my Not Me's. That would be downright rude and inconsiderate. No Not Me is that important. I would never... well, maybe. Sorry Mom and Amy. Here I come...

Merry Christmas From Frosty and Friends

Christmas Peace

I was doing it too last week. You know. Complaining about the weather. Tired of being trapped with my kids. Jealous that Cory got to go to work each day. Jealous that he got peace and quiet. Frustrated that my house looked like a war zone. Frustrated that my days were not going as planned.

Then, the snow started falling. And falling some more. The ground was covered. The trees were covered. Instead of frustration, I found myself calming down. Enjoying the peace. Every time I walk by a window, I gaze upon the beauty that God has blessed us with. Every single time. It does not cease to amaze me.

Our power went out yesterday and Cory was gracious enough to come home and pick us up. We had just a few things to take care of before Christmas. And thankfully, the power turned back on just as we were leaving. Off we went. Rushing to the bank to get there before they closed at 1:00. We left at 12:30. That shouldn't be a problem... in normal weather anyway. We arrived at 1:06. Too late.

We then set out for Costco. We thought we'd surprise the kids by getting to eat there. They ALWAYS want to eat at Costco. Every single time we leave, they ask to eat there. I'm pretty sure that Caden and Cole are the only ones who have ever even had the pleasure. So, here we are thinking they'd enjoy lunch at Costco. Nope. Caden said his pizza was too mushy. Ella took about 5 bites of her hot dog. Which, come to think of it, probably was about the same amount as eating a normal hot dog. Brent had a few bites of pizza and Jack did surprising well. Eating both his hot dog and some of Brent's pizza.

After Costco we pressed on to Target. We got a little of this. A little of that. On a mission. I needed some boots... a little too late! Payless even had a sign on the door. "Sold out of snow and rain boots". Probably should have thought about getting some sooner...

What I noticed, was how incredibly crazy it all was. We were gone for 4 1/2 hours. The only peaceful time the WHOLE time was when we were driving. The stores were crazy. People weren't smiling. They were busy. Rushing. Rushing. Rushing.

It's easy to get caught up in that. Searching. Searching for the perfect gift. I know that I always want to find the perfect gift. I just realized this morning that try as we might, we'll always fall short. Jesus was the only TRULY perfect gift. Everything else just doesn't even measure up.

In all the hustle and bustle, it's easy to forget. Forget what Christmas is all about. Your blood starts pumping. You race through the store. Wanting to get the perfect gift before the guy next to you. It's a race. It wasn't meant to be this way...


God wants us to be still. To enjoy the most wonderfully perfect gift He has given us. I'm pretty sure, His intention wasn't for us to be stressing out this time of year. To be hustling from one thing to another. I'm pretty sure that as we run the race, He's sitting there telling us to slow down. Reflect. Remember. To sit in His presence and enjoy the best gift ever.

We're only a couple of days away from Christmas. The forecasters are calling for more snow. I'm thankful. Thankful that we have gotten to slow down. Thankful for time with my family. Thankful for playing hand and foot with Cory and Cole. Even thankful that for once, no wait, THREE times I actually won. Oh wait. That's not the point... Thankful for pancakes for dinner and cookies all day. Thankful for moonlit walks in the snow. Thankful for the laughter coming from my children as they play. Thankful that as Caden prayed the other night he thanked God for his Mom and Dad. His Mom who plays games and snuggles with him. And his Dad who plays in the snow and plays video games with him.


The snow has reminded me that we need to slow down. Reflect. Praise God. Remember that Jesus was such a perfect gift. He was THE only gift we need.


Thank you Lord for all this snow. Thank you for trapping me with my children... even though I may whine about it at times. Thank you for each amazing snowflake that falls. Reminding us of how creative you are. That each snowflake is different. Just like us. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for sending your son. Thank you for tolerating our whining. Thanks for setting us straight. Thank you for your beauty. Beauty that is right before our eyes. Your reminders are awesome. You are amazing. My heart is full of you Lord. I love you!

"And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.

Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is call Bethlehem because he was of the house and lineage of David to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid.

Then the angel said to them,
"Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger."

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:

"Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!"

Not Me Monday

One of my favorite bloggers does the BEST thing. Every Monday, MckMama lists and invites other to list what they absolutely did NOT do in the past week. I have never actually participated, but this last week, I found myself talking in "not me" fashion. So, despite what anyone might tell you, I most certainly did not...

Wake up at least 8 times Tuesday night watching for snow. That would be downright ridiculous. The snow wasn't even supposed to hit until early morning anyway. I need WAY more sleep than that. I would be entirely too crabby the next day. I would be smarter than that...

Run. Yes. Run through Winco on Tuesday afternoon. Racing against the clock so that I could make it home from school before the bus. I wouldn't do that. I only had 30 minutes and I would look crazy. People would glare. They were all trying to take care of their pre-"Arctic Blast" shopping too. I would be more considerate than that. I have better time management skills than that...

Tell my 5 year old that it was plenty warm out. He didn't need a coat. We were in a hurry. It was 35 out and sunny after all. That would be neglectful of me. He might get cold. I most certainly would not do that. I'm a better mom than that...

Eat my weight in peppermint bark this week. I seriously would NOT do that. That would be pathetic. That would be counter productive. That would not help me lose these last 10 pounds. Why would I do that?

MAKE my children go on a walk in the snow. Everyday. First of all, why would I have to MAKE them. They love the snow. They're kids. Kids + Snow = Fun. Right? I would never have to MAKE my kids play outside. I wouldn't do that. If they didn't want to play I would be sympathetic to that. I would NEVER force it upon them. That would be unkind. Nope. Not me.

Watch the news. Again and again. My friends would think I'm silly. They all make fun of the INSANE amount of news coverage. It's the same stories over and over. They do not fascinate me. I am not intrigued by it all. I do not tell my children, "just 5 more minutes." That would be silly of me. That would be a waste of my time. I would not do that...

Sound like Clark Griswold...

Me: Look kids it's...

Kids: We know. It's snowing...

Me: It's snowing!!

That would be obnoxious. That would get old. It would start to irritate the kids. Why would I do that? I wouldn't. Nor would Cory. Not us.

Decide not to shower even though I REALLY needed to. That would be disgusting. I wouldn't smell nice. Why would I do that? I wouldn't. Not me.

Discover that I've lost 2 pounds this week. THAT would be downright ridiculous. THAT would make me think I could eat my weight in peppermint bark more often. THAT would not make sense. There is NO way my body would do that. Nope. Not mine.

And I most certainly do NOT love that it's snowing AGAIN. I'm sick of it. I'm tired of being confined to my home. I wouldn't want it to snow more. That would be crazy. Why would I want that? We already have over a foot of snow. That would be greedy of me. Who needs more snow. Not me...

So, what did you NOT do this week??

I'm Dreaming of A White Christmas

It's been crazy. Unreal. Beautiful. Peaceful. The snow has continued to fall. And fall. And fall. We aren't used to this and we are loving it... well, mostly.

We've taken walks. Sent crying children home to wait for us. Played games. Turned games off. Watched the news. Listened to Christmas music. Made cookies. And more cookies. Watched snow fall. Let the kids have WAY too many treats. Made silly calls to friends... just to let them know it's snowing. They are now saying it might not stop until Wednesday. We may get a white Christmas after all...

We've played in the day...

And in the night...


Our yard has been transformed into a winter wonderland...



The kids have fought. They've loved each other too...


We're enjoying this time with our family. God has given us some great "forced family fun". Praising the Lord for His beauty. His greatness. He has blessed us with days we will always treasure.