The funny thing is there's really no reason for it. There are no major issues... no sick husbands. Kids are relatively healthy. Sister in law is healthy. No one is going to be with Jesus soon... not that I know of anyway. My brother is doing great. Nothing major.
Yet, here I sit, overwhelmed. I've thought about it. A lot. Why, when life is going smoothly, am I overwhelmed? I'm starting to think that I just don't know how to operate in this "mode". You know. Normal life. I don't know how to function with normal, everyday things. Apparently, I do better under pressure.
As I've gotten more and more overwhelmed, I've gotten more and more isolated. I tend to close myself off when I start to sink. I tend to not answer the phone. I tend to not make phone calls. I tend to be "just fine".
A couple of weeks ago, the phone rang. I honestly was upstairs doing laundry and could not get to it. However, I didn't make the call back. I just couldn't. I was frazzled. Not wanting to talk. I just couldn't.
I called my friend back the next day. You know what she wanted? A lifeline. She was about to lose it and just needed someone to talk to. I felt terrible for not answering. I was selfish. In my own pity party. Selfish.
I was talking to a good friend yesterday. Both of us feeling overwhelmed these days. Both of us feeling like we just aren't cutting it. As we were talking, I realized what was happening... Satan's been working on his lies. He's been picking.
At the beginning of the Mom's season God gave us a verse to cling to. We had a Mom's Christmas party last night and revisited 2 Corinthians 4...
"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4 is such a blessing. It reminds us that we can't do it. It's not for us to do. We are just jars of clay. God is the treasure. It is all God. God alone. We are under qualified. We are lacking. It reminds us that even though our lives may be chaotic. Our lives may overwhelm us. Our lives may look nothing like what we think they should. Our lives outwardly are not the issue. God is using life's circumstances to grow us. We are stretching and God WILL use that for His glory. Outwardly life is overwhelming. Inside is a beautiful tapestry. God's beautiful work. God's light. Shining. Growing stronger. Spilling over. Afterall, if we are full of God, how can we not spill over?
Lots of things have been happening at Mom's lately. Fantastic things. Frustrating things. We've seen glimpses of God's amazing tapestry. We've watched moms grow closer to God and closer to each other. It has been such a blessing. We've also struggled. Struggled to find childcare workers. Struggled with childcare funding. Searched for Titus 2 moms. We've had lots of sick kids. It seems to obvious to me that we are under attack.
The answer? Prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. Prayer for all the women feeling disconnected. For them to just connect. With someone. A friend. God. Prayer for our childcare issues. Prayer for Titus 2 moms. Prayer that God would continue to reign victorious. Prayer that as our children's whining seems endless that God would help us see the joy. The beautiful joy in our children. That we would realize that we whine too. Prayer that we would be more gracious. Prayer that we would turn to God more and more. That we would curl up in His lap and have some good conversations with Him. Prayer that we would not be selfish. That our eyes would be open. Open to what God has for us. For where God wants us. Prayer that we would be obedient. Prayer for our families. Prayer for protection. Prayer that as we get closer to Christmas, we would continue to remember EXACTLY why we celebrate.
I am so thankful for last night. For getting the chance to reconnect. For hugs from great friends. For encouraging words. For delicious food. For prayer. Whenever I get together with this wonderful group of women, I always leave feeling full. Full of God. Full of peace. Full of friendship. My load feels lighter. I'm less overwhelmed. God has blessed me beyond anything I deserve. I am so VERY thankful for where he has brought me. I love you Jesus!
3 comments:
I'm so glad it was such a good time and that you were able to spend time just being quiet and praying.
I do the same in my "just fine" mode. I'm not good at reaching out either. But Satan knows that. He loves that about me. I just can't let him have that hold.
It's so great having a group of girlfriends you can turn to at any time. Sometimes it's just what you need. And then add in the 'God factor' and it's even better. =)
I think we're all under attack these days with feeling like we can't keep up...part of that is the rat race we buy into as Americans, part if it is we think we have to be everything to everyone and always be available...we just can't keep up with that status. Some of my best times with God have been when I've called a friend, not reached them and had to fall before the Lord for my 'lifeline'...remember, before phones people wrote letters to friends and family and didn't get a quick fix from that. You're a great friend, a great mother and best of all a great child to God. That's your number one job too! Try not to take on the world...not with out God at least. :)
Hugs my friend
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