Happy Harvest?

I have a hard time with today. At 31, I'm still unsure how I feel about Halloween. I grew up trick-or-treating. I loved it! I loved getting to dress up. I loved the candy (still do). I love the crisp air as you walk around at night.

When we had Caden I started to question. Do we allow him to trick-or-treat? As a child, I didn't know the controversy that surrounded Halloween. As a mother, how could I not?

We have gone trick-or-treating every year since he was 2. We have celebrated Halloween. I have questioned every year.

Yesterday, we were driving in the car. Our conversation went a little like this:

Jackson: Mom, that house still needs to decorate for Halloween, right?

Me: No. Maybe they don't do Halloween.

J: Why?

M: Some people choose not to do Halloween.

J: Why?

M: Because there are really icky things that go along with Halloween. Things that are not of God. Things that make Mommy not want to do it either.

J: Oh

As much as I don't like Halloween, there are things about it that I do love. I love watching my kids pick their pumpkins and pull out all the guts. I love the excitement of picking out costumes. I love their delight as they put their costumes on. I love taking them trick-or-treating. Holding their hands as we walk down the street. I love the smells. I love seeing all the little ones dressed up as bees, princesses, trains, etc. I love watching my babies toddle up to the doors and say "trick-or-treat" in their wonderful baby dialect. I'm filled with joy hearing them gleefully say "thank you!" I love their red noses as we walk in our door. I love watching them dump their baskets to see their spoils. They get so excited. It's a family night that I love.

Simply couldn't resist posting this picture... wrong, I know

Brenton wondering just what is inside the pumpkin
I was talking to a friend about this the other day. They do not trick-or-treat. They do, however, attend Harvest parties. They celebrate the harvest. I love the idea and have been trying to talk up the harvest, not Halloween. However, for a 7 year old that has been looking forward to Halloween for months, Happy Halloween seems to have stuck. So, my sweet 7 year old, "Happy Harvest!"

Really Going There... Obama Vs. McCain

***Update: Only 4 of my readers were willing to share. I've published the comments. Here's mine...

I truly was hoping for some enlightenment. I was truly hoping that someone could say something that would cause me to be less anxious about this upcoming election. I so want to know something good. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately (I guess it depends on how you look at it) those that posted all support McCain.

I too support McCain. My reason for this truly has boiled down to one thing. If a man is okay with killing babies when they might have survived I wonder what else he is capable of. He may have a great smile. He may look like a nice guy. I'm sorry. Nice guys are not okay with that. What else is he okay with? It truly frightens me and makes me sick to my stomach. I just read on another blog that Obama is pro choice, not pro abortion... I'm sorry, but is there a difference? I can't pretend to know what some people lives are like. I cannot imagine some of the absolutely terrible conditions some babies are brought into. But, why is it better to just kill the baby before they even get a chance. Why can't adoption be a choice?

I have a friend that could have had her life ended in an abortion. Her mom got pregnant by way of an affair. She was married. He was married. Her mom had had at least 2 abortions before getting pregnant with her. She had no reason to not have another one. As my friend says, she must have heard God whispering in her ear. Telling her to keep this child. My friend's life could have been very different. She could be dead. For many reasons. Her mom was not the most responsible person. There were many many times that God was watching over my friend. Protecting her. Loving her. Keeping her far from danger. As she gets older and finds out more of the story she sees God's hand in her life more and more. I love hearing her story. I love hearing how God has used her. I truly feel that she is the one who brought her mom to the Lord. If her mom had aborted her, would she have found the Lord? God is amazing. He saved my friend. He brought her mom home. I am so very thankful that she is here. I am so very thankful that her mom heard God's whispers. I know that my friend's story is a powerful one. I love watching it unfold as she continues to learn more.

I also choose to vote for McCain because he has shed blood for this country. He's done it before, he would do it again. He is loyal. Can we say that for Obama? Do we know without a shadow of a doubt that he is 100% with our country? Doesn't seem to look that way.

Finally, and this will probably make some laugh. Possibly role their eyes. I don't care. I'm putting it out there. I've had a really hard time with Oprah for quite awhile. She is a women with a lot of power and a lot of followers. I feel she is very irresponsible with that power. When she decided to go the whole Eckhart Tolle route I turned my back. Oprah supports Obama. Obama supports Oprah. She scares me. He scares me. Together, it's frightening. Again, I'm sure some eyes are rolling. I don't care. He truly makes my stomach turn.


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I know. I know. I shouldn't go here. I really shouldn't. I should just keep my mouth shut. Instead, I'm stepping up to the line and jumping over... kind of.

Let me preface this by saying I am a tad bit on the hormonal side right now. I'm realizing a pattern in myself. Around this time, every month, I start getting really teary. Weird. So, as I sat down to fill out my ballot yesterday and was reading the descriptions of the presidents, I started to cry. Silly? Quite possibly. Sad? Pretty much. Can you imagine? Someone crying over the presidential election? Just by reading their descriptions? I'm sure hormones have A LOT to do with it. I'm not a super political person. I've been known to tease my friends who get all fired up. I love 'em. I'm just not THAT into it. I blame it on being too tired. My head gets overwhelmed. Truly it does. As I read the voter's pamphlet, everything started to look like it was written in a different language. However, even though I get overwhelmed, it is still my duty as an American to vote. I'm called to do it. Even if I don't really want to.

I've been praying a lot for this upcoming election. Truly. I'm scared. There seems to be so many unknowns. I'm not sure if it's always been like this and I was too young to notice or if this election is truly something different. Something to be scared of. As I go to that scary place, God reminds me. He is in control. He already knows who will win. He knows the future of our country. I pray that we will get His best. Knowing that we could also be allowed to make a mistake.

I tend to wear blinders when I feel strongly about something or someone. There are no negatives surrounding that something or someone. There are no positives surrounding the something or someone that I do not care for. As we've gotten closer to the election I've sat wondering. Wondering how anyone could pick the candidate that I don't care for. With my blinders, it just doesn't make sense. However, sitting here, just days before the election. I'm thinking we could all use some time to take off our blinders. If "your" guy doesn't win, you are still called to respect the one God and our country has chosen. God calls us to that. We are to be obedient. So, if we have our blinders on and can only see the bad, how can we respect that authority. How can we do what God calls us to do?

It seems people are either passionately Obama, or passionately McCain. What is it? What is causing them to vote for one or the other? I'm not trying to start a debate. I don't want that and that is not the point. What I want is to open our eyes. See what God sees. See what others see. I'm turning comment moderation on and also the ability to post anonymously. I would love if you could answer this one question.

If you could give just ONE reason why you are voting for the person of your choice, what would it be. Again, just one reason. Not a debate. I will post all the replies at one time. I will post my reason at the same time. I will then shut off the ability to comment. I want this to be safe. I want this strictly for blinder removal purposes. Your response, I'm sure, will change no one's vote. All I want is for us to be prepared. Prepared to graciously welcome whoever wins.

"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor." Romans 13:1-7

Will it be easy? Probably not. But God has ultimate control. He IS in control. Knowing that, we can stand firm, hold tight to the word of God and continue to pray for our country.

Prayers

Prayers are always needed. Always important. There are just a few that are really standing out today. Baby Stellan is being born today. You can read all about the miracle that he is over here. He, his mama and daddy could really use a lot of prayer today as they wait to meet each other.

Nate, Tricia and Gwyneth could also use prayer this morning. They are over here. Tricia is currently in surgery right now getting a biopsy to see what is going on with her cancer. They have had quite a journey and have shared their faith for all to see. Their faith is awesome and their story is one that has God written all over it.

My friend, Ashley, is currently spending every moment that she can with her mom. Her mom is in the end stages of cancer. As she goes through these last weeks, it seems like just yesterday we went through this same thing with Scott. She needs prayer. Her family needs prayer. I pray that they would undoubtedly feel our Father's loving arms wrapped tightly around them and see His footprints as He carries them.

Lord, I pray for these families. You know them inside and out. You know their fears, their anxieties, their questions. Lord I pray you give them a peace. That they would feel your arms wrapped tighter than ever. That you would continue to carry them. That they would continue to look to you. That miracles would be done. That others would come to you through these lives. I love you Lord.

There She Blows

I'm shaking. My heart is racing. I'm about to blow. I'm praying that if I just write it down, I'll find something funny about it. That maybe a light bulb will turn on. That I won't blow. Right now. I feel like exploding.

As I've gone about my morning, I've tried to be productive. Trying to be like my task-minded husband. Trying to focus and get the "little" things done. My "little" things tend to stack-up so I thought this would be a good day to conquer.

Unfortunately, while I cleaned the kitchen floors, my kids did this...

While I wiped down all the counters in the kitchen, my kids did this...

While I washed the sheets and towels that had been peed on, puked on and peed on some more, they did this...

While I put said items away, they did this...

While I made the beds that needed clean sheets, Brenton did this... on my freshly swept, freshly washed, kitchen floor... an entire bag of pretzels dumped!!!

Thankfully, this promised a snack for the other 2 as long as they cleaned up the entire mess. All I was left with was this...


While I changed into my clothes so that I could work out at nap time, my beautiful, wonderful, joyful 2 year old dumped the game Mad Gab all over the floor in the hallway. For the 2nd time this morning. As I was picking them up the 1st time, I was thinking about Not Me Monday . The thought of, "if anyone asks, I absolutely did NOT put the Mad Gab cards back in numerical order when they were dumped. I wouldn't do that. It would take me 20 minutes. That would be a waste of time. No one would ever notice if they were out of order. I would not be that anal. Nope. Not me." As I go to clean them up a 2nd time, I'm thinking they're lucky to get cleaned up. They are not going to be in order... maybe.

My heart is still racing. I'm still shaking. I know it's ridiculous. I know there are more important things. I know this truly doesn't matter. I guess in my world there is not much to show for my efforts. There isn't a list I can just check off. The checks don't work... they just reappear as empty boxes again only moments later. I love being a mom. I do. I love my kids. I truly do. Right now though. I just want to curl up in a ball. I want to scream. I want to stomp my feet, throw my face on the ground and just cry. I hate going round and round. I hate not having anything to show for my day. Yes, my kids have had a fun morning. However, I've had no part in it. I haven't gotten to play with them because I've been too busy cleaning. So, instead of getting to have fun, I've gotten to run in circles. Instead of having fun, I have to make my kids clean up their mess of fun. I want to have fun too.

Taking a deep deep breath. Putting my children to bed for nap. Spending some time with Jesus and forever clinging to my verse. Then maybe, just maybe, I'll turn on my TV and get my rear kicked by Jillian Michaels. Hopefully, when my kids wake up from nap, we'll be able to have some fun together...

"For You are my lamp, O Lord; The Lord shall enlighten my darkness. For by You I can run against a troop; By my God I can leap over a wall. As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. For who is God except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? God is my strength and power, And He makes my way perfect... For you have armed me with strength for the battle."

2 Samuel 22:29-33, 40

Journey To Blogland

I first started blog hopping when I received an email from a good friend. At the bottom of her email was her signature which happened to include her blog address. I had always thought she was a good writer and thought I'd take a peek. Not realizing that what I was about to do could cause an addictive behavior. Not realizing that once I clicked, I could never go back. Not realizing that for better or worse, once I clicked I would get sucked into peoples lives. People I didn't even know. People that didn't know me. And so, I clicked.

It started innocently enough. I would check her blog every so often and then click on her friends blogs. Many of whom were people that I knew as well. I loved that I felt I could get to know people a little better without actually getting to know them. Then it became a little weird. I didn't comment and yet, I would be at church, asking how they were doing. Knowing much more than they knew I knew. I had read their blog after all. I started telling people, "hey, I read your blog." Almost like a precursor. Stalking can't be that bad if they know you've been there. Right? Then I would get comments... why don't you leave a comment? You should comment. So, if I didn't comment, I felt I was cheating. I was getting to "know" these girls and they had no idea.

My comment argument started innocently as well. I truly could not figure it out. I know that it's not rocket science, but I had tried once, got flustered and gave up. However, as time went on it became more about the fact that I just felt completely uncomfortable posting. I wasn't the one who had signed up to start a blog. I wasn't willing to put myself out there. Sure, I could read the blogs of others, but I just didn't want to put my stuff out there. Posting caused me to be insecure. What if I made a dumb comment? What if my comment irritated the poster? What if it irritated the other readers? No. I would not go there. But, I did. I started commenting. I commented often and sure enough, I listened to the enemy when he said to stop it. I listened when he said my comments were dumb and unappreciated. I should have put my earplugs in. Instead, he won that victory.

People then started saying I should start a blog too. They would argue that it's fun. I would argue that to start a blog would be my downfall. That the enemy would have a feeding frenzy. I just knew that if I started a blog and no one commented, that I would be crushed. That I would feel like I was dumb. That no one liked me. Yep. That's what I told myself. I knew my insecurities and I wasn't going to let Satan win this one. I would not let him get a foothold. Not me.

August rolled around. I got an invitation to join Facebook. I joined and was fascinated by how quickly you could connect to people you hadn't seen in years. It was so fun to hear from old friends. As I posted more, I started adding pictures too. I then realized that I should just start a blog. I could post pictures. Keep my friends and family up to date on our happenings. I would not make it about who did or did not comment. It would just be for me. It would be something I could make a photobook out of for my kids. It would be a sort of journal. And so it began.

I now know that it was the enemy telling me to stay away. In trying to keep him away, I was really letting him win. I'm positive that the enemy HATES blogland. He hates that it's a way to connect with others. He hates that we can pray and learn about people we have never met. He hates that we can share our lives with others. That we can share what God has done in our lives. That we can bring the lies into the light. I'm sure he's squirming as I write this post.

I can admit that there have been a couple times where I have felt VERY vulnerable. It's not always comfortable putting yourself out there. There have been posts that I needed someone to comment. Not because I wanted comment love, but because I felt alone in my feelings. That maybe I was the only one.

The great thing? God has blessed that. Let me start by saying, I am NOT trying to pat myself on the back here. I'm patting God on the back. Giving Him the glory. I have prayed for him to bless my blog. That he would not let Satan get the best of me. That I would not buy into his lies. But that my posts, my openness would cause others to feel that they are not alone. I have been humbled and thankful to find that my blog is doing just that. That as I listen to God and shed light on the darkness that He can be nothing by glorified.

I'm thankful that as I journal and ramble on that I often feel God's presence. I may start off the post frustrated. Lost. But, as I put my thoughts down, my heartbeat slows. My anxiety lessens. And by the end, I can see God in all of it. It's funny. If I weren't posting about my life, I probably would be missing out on a lot of what God has to offer. If I weren't thinking it through, it would fly right on over my head. I'm thankful for this outlet. I'm thankful that we have this blogland. As the title of my blog states, these ramblings are VERY therapeutic to me.

My prayer is that God would continue to have victory over our blogs. That He would be continually glorified. That people would truly pray for the blogs they run across where there is someone feeling alone. That people would not allow blogs to overwhelm them. That they would not cause greater isolation. That just because "Susie blogger" can get all that done and more doesn't mean she's any better than you. That no one is perfect... even if their blog makes them look that way. No one's kids are clean all the time. No one's house is clean all the time. No one gets along with their husband all the time. No one gets it right all the time. No one can truly get IT all done. I promise.

Thank you Lord for this journal. Thank you that others are willing to share their guts. Thank you for giving us another tool to connect with others. You are beyond awesome Lord!

Random Ramblings

We had a great weekend... of course, I guess it depends what your definition of great is. Is great wading through the masses as you try to take advantage of great deals at Fred Meyer's weekend events? Dragging your kids through the store to look for REALLY good deals? Watching your 2 year old try to pick up all the apples that have fallen onto the store floor... even the ones that are under all the displays? Your 3 year old wetting the bed at 2 in the morning? Having a sick 7 year old throw up 5 times in one morning? Missing your nephew's dedication? Missing your good friend's baptism? Cleaning vomit off your son's floor right before going to bed because he couldn't make it to the bathroom? Nope. Those things aren't great. BUT, we did still have a great weekend.

I wanted Saturday to be a forced family fun day. We had talked about going to the Pumpkin Patch but decided that by the time we spent all the money there, we might as well be going to Disneyland. Seriously. To take 5 kids to the pumpkin patch is a little ridiculous! So, we ventured to the local Fred Meyer to get costumes and pumpkins. The kids had just as much fun picking pumpkins from the bin and didn't even miss the pumpkin patch. We ventured into the store which was CRAZY!! Apparently, they were celebrating the remodeling of the store. They had all sorts of great deals. Coupons galore! Who doesn't love getting FREE reusable grocery bags and a 10 lb. bag of potatoes for 98 cents? Moving on. We were honestly there about 2 hours. Getting the deals, dragging our kids. They were loving it. Or not so much. But, we were there for so long that we did get something great... free pizza and pop. Who doesn't love free pizza?

Saturday night we got a visit from our babysitter. "Our" Kayleen. She has been our sitter for 2 1/2 years. Our kids love her. She loves our kids. She babysat for us for the 1st time on Ella's 1st birthday. I knew right then that she was amazing. Ella would scream anytime we left her but didn't even bat an eye that night. From then on, it was as if we couldn't get out of there fast enough. Ella has always loved "her" Kayleen. Saturday evening she stopped by our house on the way to her 1st dance. She looked beautiful! When the kids heard she was stopping by they all raced to put their new costumes on so they could show her what they had gotten. Kayleen doesn't babysit for us as often anymore. Things changed a bit when Cole joined our family. We can't really have our sitter who is only 2 years older than our nephew alone in the same house together. Just wouldn't be right. So, she only gets to come over every once in awhile. We miss her and love to see her. Big hugs are always a must and there is just something about this girl that pulls on my heartstrings. I pray for this girl. I pray for her family. They are all amazing and such a blessing.

Sunday morning I woke up to Caden saying his tummy hurt. Truly, I thought he was faking it. Trying to get in an early morning snuggle. A little after 7 I found I was wrong. We heard the running of little feet into the bathroom and I knew he wasn't faking it. Poor boy. The blessing in this? I got to snuggle my sweet boy more than I have in a long time. Caden, Brenton and I stayed home from church and in between getting things done around the house I got snuggles. That afternoon, Caden napped in my lap. It was wonderful! I've missed snuggling with him and was so thankful to have that time. It was a blessing and we needed it!

Sunday also held the official start of fall in our family. The first batch of pumpkin bread was made. Oh how we love this!! The smell! The taste! Brenton seriously ate a half of a loaf. Yum!! I love fall! The colors. The smells. The baking. The cold crisp air. Oh, I love fall!!!

Last night we had some more family fun. We watched "Where the Red Fern Grows" with the kids all while snuggling on the couch and drinking smoothies. It was the perfect end to a perfect weekend.

Here's the cool part. Friday night as we were going to bed and talking about our weekend, we talked about how we really needed to watch out. We knew we wanted to enjoy our family. We voiced it out loud. We knew the enemy would love to ruin our weekend. That he would cause fights. That he would do whatever he could to distract us. He sure did try. He sure lost. God blessed us in our crazy weekend. He gave us amazing time with our family. He gave us our hearts desire. Thank you Lord!

On The Playground

As I put Caden to bed the other night, he told me he did not want to go to school the next day. I asked him why. "I don't have anyone to play with". Immediately my heart was sad. I pictured my sweet boy at school. My sweet boy whom I have watched. He stands on the edge, wanting to play, not knowing how to get started. He is shy and reminds me of myself... especially when I was younger. Thankfully, a good friend of mine had gone through this with her own son. She suggested that he ask the kids if they want to play. That sometimes kids don't know that you want to play. They aren't trying to exclude you. I suggested this to Caden. Just ask someone if they want to play. Ask if you can join in their play. I prayed for him to have a better day and that he would feel God there beside Him. When he got home from school, I asked how his day was. Did he ask? No.

It's funny how life doesn't change. It seems, that even as adults, we often aren't sure how to go about building a friendship. It feels awkward to ask. Sometimes we just assume. We assume they already have good friends. We assume they don't like us. While we sit back and assume, we sit back and get lonely.

Years ago a bunch of our friends left the church that we've attended since high school. These friends were the people we had basically grown up with. We didn't see them all the time, but we always had them to talk to at church. We were in homegroups with them. They didn't leave because there was a problem with our church. They left because they felt called to another. We didn't feel called. We felt we were to stay put. When they left we had no connection.

We found ourselves becoming Sunday morning attenders. We would slip in and out. We didn't know anyone. Our blanket of friends wasn't there and it seemed everyone else had someone. It was lonely. The enemy was loving it. We were isolated and when I think back, these were some of the rougher years in our marriage. Spiritually we struggled. Financially we struggled. As a couple we struggled.

We were assuming. We didn't know how to ask others to play. We were just like Caden.

Thankfully, God opened some doors and got us plugged in. We started working with the couples ministry and were blessed to make some wonderful friends. Friends who would invite us to join their homegroup. Friends that treated us as family. As we got more involved in the couples ministry, we made more friends. It was interesting one night. I remember talking to someone and mentioning that we didn't know many people at the church anymore. Let me rephrase that. We knew people, but we didn't know people. The person I was talking to was surprised. They said they always just assumed that we were super connected. They knew we had attended the church for a long time. They assumed.

As God has challenged and stretched me I've gotten more comfortable with stepping outside my box and inviting others in. I don't feel as awkward asking others to play. What's funny about this is that I think my boundary has gone the other way. I don't want to just assume that people are connected. I don't want someone to be isolated and lonely. I know that I can't be everyone's best friend and that's not what I'm asking. However, when I'm talking to someone, I want them to know that I really do want to know how they are doing. I do care. I have several friends that I so value. When they ask me how I am doing there is no chance that I can lie. They look into my soul. I can see in their eyes that they don't want the fluff. They want the truth. I love this!

I'm sure I overstep at times. I just want people to know they are not alone. There is someone there who cares. If they have someone already, great. If they just need someone in that moment to pray for them, I'll do it. As I've gone through trials, the things that have reminded me that God is there are times when I've gotten an email. An email just to say I'm thinking about you. I'm praying for you. The times that have touched me most are the times when someone has prayed for me and said things that there is no way they could have known. I know God is there. He gave them those words. He prompted their heart. I treasure cards I've gotten that say exactly what I needed to hear. So often, I pass on a prompting. Wondering if that prompting is coming from God or my own flesh. It's often awkward. More and more I just have to get over myself. What if that prompting is from God and the person you're thinking about just needs to hear that someone is praying for them. They just need that connection. They need to hear from God and God is asking that you let them know that He is there. He is right beside them. He cares.

I've decided that when I'm out on the playground I need to start looking around. Who's standing there wanting to play? And on the days when it seems everyone else has a friend to play with, I just need to remember to ask if I can play too. God knows our paths. He knows when they will cross. He will prompt us. Are we listening?

Yesterday

Oh my. What a little time with whining kids will do. Here I am, less than 24 hours after I wrote the last post and I am pooped. My wonderfully made children whined most of the day away yesterday. Ella woke up at 2 this morning just wanting to snuggle. I sent her back to bed, promised snuggles in the morning and prayed she would go back to sleep. At 5 she padded back in. Her cheek hurt. Seriously? Her cheek. I so nicely told her that maybe if she was sleeping like she was supposed to be and wasn't picking at her cheek, she would be fine. Then so sweetly, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and sent her back to bed. At 5:19, she was back. I lovingly offered a little discipline and sent her on her way. Six rolls around and I hear her again. She is downstairs with her Daddy. I then hear crying coming from her room. I so calmly go into her room, tell her to stop crying. She's going to wake up the entire house. I tell her if she can't be quiet I will take her blankie and she can sit on the floor in my bathroom (this is the only place I could put her so she wouldn't wake everyone up). Seconds later, she's in my arms and on her way into the bathroom.

Last week at Mom's the wonderful Diane Moore spoke. One of the things she talked about was that, at times, kids behave like animals. There is no reasoning with them at this point. You should remove yourself from the situation. You should not rise to meet them at this level. When you lose it, it only feeds the animal.

As I'm hearing my daughter screaming in the bathroom I'm trying to remind myself of Diane's words. I'm wishing that the Lord would put earplugs in my ears. That I would not hear her. I'm losing it. This Mommy snaps, goes into the bathroom, has a little chat with her daughter and then stomps like a 2 year old back to her bed. At this point, my sweet husband comes in to kiss me goodbye. He whispers in my ear, "make sure you get some time with Jesus this morning." Thank you my husband. I love your reminder. Truly. I take a deep breath, ask him to please go calmly talk to his daughter. I am not calm. I do not have it in me. I have lost it and am hiding under the covers. He goes in, calms her down and off to bed she goes. She's still sleeping now. It's almost 8 and she never sleeps this late. In all honesty, I would love to go in right now and jump on her bed. Maybe then she would understand how frustrating it is to be woken when I am sleeping. But because I have calmed down, I know that is not the answer. Man, I sure can act like a child.

What I am thankful for is that this morning my other children have been golden. They have giggled. Kissed me. Loved on me. Reminding me that times aren't always so frustrating. It's been a quiet morning... since 6:30 anyway. I'm thankful for that. I'm looking forward to Ella waking up so that I can say sorry. Sorry for losing it. Sorry that Mommy messed up and I love you. I'm thankful that my girl will give me a big hug and won't hold it against me for the rest of the day.

I'm thankful for the blessing of my children. I'm thankful that even when I mess up, I am forgiven. My children forgive me. The Lord forgives me. He has blessed me abundantly and I so often mess up. I don't do what I know I should do. I choose to allow my "animal instinct" to lash out. I guess the comfort in this is that my children will not see perfection. They will not have a ridiculous standard to live up to. They will watch me make mistakes and hopefully will watch me ask for forgiveness. Hopefully, I can remember in my times of frustration that just as I mess up, my children mess up. Hopefully, I can give them the same grace they give me. Hopefully, we can all learn a little more about the Lord's grace. His mercy. His love.

I'm praying that our day can go a little more smoothly. That even though both Ella and I are short on sleep that we will enjoy each other. I'm praying that next time, I can choose the right path. I'm praying that as she gets older, her memories aren't of her Mommy losing it in the middle of the night. That she will always remember that I love her. I cherish her. That she will know that she is a perfect blessing from the Lord. Psalm 139:13,14 has been playing in my head all morning.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God knit my babies together. They are fearfully and wonderfully made. They are wonderful. God did not mess up. Everything about them is perfect. It is my job to teach them. To teach them about the Lord. To show them who the Lord is. To love them. To encourage them. And yes, even to discipline them. However, if I am doing it on my own, I am not doing it the Lord's way. I am doing it my way. I know that way will not work. My children will not turn out as God intended. So, I'm clinging to the Lord today. Clinging to His words. Clinging to His promises. Praying that he will guide me. Guide me when disciplining my children. Sternly take my hand when I'm choosing the wrong path. Praying that I will heed His voice. Praying that joy really will come in the morning.

Refreshed

I was blessed with a weekend away this last weekend. I was able to go away with some great girlfriends and it was so refreshing. It was just what I needed. It emptied my body of all stress. It filled my soul. I came home a new woman.

Layers of stress that have been building up over the last year were stripped away all in one weekend. It is amazing! What really struck me was the fact that I was not tired ALL weekend long. Not one wink. I went to sleep at 1:00 am on Friday night and slept until 10. Stayed up until 2 on Saturday night and woke up at 9 on Sunday morning. I usually sleep about 8 hours at night so it wasn't like I got a lot more sleep than normal either. The secret? I didn't have to care for 6 other people the entire weekend! Shhhhh. Don't tell! Nope. I didn't have to prepare 5 plates for each meal before my own. I didn't have to wipe any poopy bottoms. I put no one in time out. I listened to no one scream. I didn't scream. I didn't put anyone to bed. I didn't wash any clothes. I cleaned up NO toys. It was a weekend filled with talking and laughter. We talked, talked and talked some more. We talked from the time we woke up until we went to sleep at night. I loved every minute. The time seemed to literally fly by.

When I came home I couldn't wait to get some loves from my babies. As much as I enjoyed my weekend away, I couldn't wait to see their smiling faces. Caden and Jackson waved out the window as I got out of the car and Brenton met me at the front door. My sweet babies. I could have snuggled them all night. We then snuggled the morning away yesterday and had more snuggles before bedtime. Apparently, I was missed.

The great thing is that I seriously feel renewed. My nerves are not shot. In fact, yesterday while upstairs getting lunch orders from Jackson and Ella, Brenton took it upon himself to put a little more peanut butter on his sandwich. I had already made his lunch. He was eating his lunch when I went upstairs. Before I went upstairs, I safely put the peanut butter far from the edge of the counter. Far from my sweet boys fingertips... or so I thought. When I came back downstairs, Brenton had the peanut butter on the table. Lid off. Half his sandwich stuffed in the container. The other half on a napkin with a knife that had peanut butter all over it. He had peanut butter all over his hands. He had a grin on his face a mile wide. He was so proud. Before this trip, I would have been frustrated. He probably would have gotten in trouble. I would not have had the patience. However, since I was refreshed, I laughed, grabbed my camera, took some pictures and told him it's not okay for him to get into the peanut butter. That's Mommy's job. Perhaps I need to get away more often...

Once again I find myself thanking the Lord for blessing us with such amazing friends. For surrounding us with support. For loving us so much that he didn't put us all alone on our own island. How lonely life would be to not have friends to walk through life's ups and downs. How fun it is to be able to laugh and talk ALL weekend long. How awesome it is to get a break. And how fantastic it is to come home again.

Thank you Lord for weekends away. Thank you for refreshment. Thank you for beyond amazing friends. Thank you for my beautiful family. Thank you. I love you!!

Tutu Cute

My heart melts when I look at these pictures. My sweet girl with her big browns. Seriously. Does it get much better?

This was her 2nd job. Payed in childcare and loves. My sweet friend made these tutu's and while trying to photograph her beautiful work, she ended up getting quite a few pictures of God's beautiful work in my baby girl.

To think that she can actually be told no at times is unbelievable if I just look at her pictures. There are no signs of tantrums. No signs of screaming like her arm has been ripped off. No pouting. Just my sweet, perfect, little princess.

I love you my princess and I love you Lord for blessing our family with a sweet infusion of pink!

Tagged

I was tagged by my sweet friend, Eryn, to post 7 random facts about myself and make 7 friends do it too. Here we go...

1. I am married to my high school sweetheart. We met when I was 16. We were best friends. A boy I was dating broke up with me and I asked Cory if he knew of any good guys. He told me to go to church with him that week. He wanted to introduce me to his good friend. When Cory took me to church with him I was reintroduced to someone I always thought I knew. God was there that night. He was watching every move. He knew I would be there and he courted me. Oh, how I loved being in his presence. I fell in love right then and there. I'm so thankful that I went to meet a boy and instead found God. And the friend Cory set me up with? We dated for about a month, he broke up with me and 5 days later Cory and I were dating. That was almost 15 years ago and we've been together ever since.

2. I used to be a huge hermit. If I could choose between staying home by myself or my husband or going out, I'd choose staying home. I used to need A LOT of time to myself. If I didn't get it, I was CRABBY. 5 kids and lots of stretching later, I still enjoy some time to myself but find it's few and far between and I'm perfectly okay with it. I get very little time to myself now and I would often choose hanging out with friends over being home alone. Funny how God changes you over time...

3. I too am going away for a girls weekend. I'm thrilled. Pajamas all day, good friends, no agenda. Sounds perfect. As much as I'm looking forward to it, I've realized I don't make much sense. I'm so excited and yet as I kissed my kids goodnight last night I got sad. I already miss them. I almost didn't want to go. Even though I love a break, I miss my kids and husband terribly. When I'm gone, I can't wait to come home again.

4. Even though I know that we're done having kids and I would probably go insane if we had another, there is a part of me that still wants more. Does that ever go away? However, another is not possible unless God wants a little giggle. I don't love being pregnant until the end. The beginning is miserable. I throw-up multiple times a day, can't roll myself off the couch. It's lovely. But oh, how I love the end. Feeling the baby move. Feeling their hiccups. Love watching them move across my tummy. When it's time to actually have the baby I get so excited. I love labor. Yes, I love labor. I love the miracle of it. I love that God made our bodies to stretch and grow. To change in ways I never thought possible. Birth is a true miracle and I love being a part of it. If someone were to ask me to carry their child, I would do it in a heartbeat. Want to know something crazier? I love labor with no epidural. I had an epidural with 2 of my children and went without with 2. One of those was not by choice but I loved it so much that I chose to do it again. I love that you can feel as your baby enters the world. You're not so numb that you can't feel whats going on... how hard to push, when to stop. Babies and labor, I love them both! I love it so much that I have dreams of becoming a labor and delivery nurse someday.

5. I lived in California for the first 10 years of my life. I loved living down there. I have amazing memories. Going to the beach all day long with my mom, coming home showering, Dad would come home and we'd go back to have dinner there. Riding our bikes to the park, the movie theatre, to get frozen yogurt. I was probably 7 when I started getting to do these things. Seven! I can't imagine letting my 7 year old do these things. Of course, there is no movie theatre near us for him to ride his bike to, but still. However, I love love love living in Washington. There is no place I'd rather live. I'm convinced that this is the best place in the country to live. We have no imminent danger. No hurricanes. No tornadoes. No huge snowstorms. Tiny earthquakes. Beautiful green trees. Leaves that change to the most brilliant oranges and reds. We have seasons. I love the rain... actually, if I could get it to just rain at night and not when I have to run errands, it would be perfect. I love it here.

6. I can no longer watch scary movies. I used to love scary movies. Give me a psychological thriller and I was happy. Loved em. Now that I've had kids I can no longer watch anything remotely scary. I get way too much anxiety. We watched 21 in the theater and I hid my face much of the time because I was so anxious about the poor kid getting beaten up. I don't even think they ever showed anything but I was still so anxious. It was not relaxing. Movies now, I love a good chick flick. I love something that doesn't make me think. My brain just wants to relax and not have to think about anything. I'm a sucker for movies that have anything to do with babies and weddings...

7. My husband is the one who organizes the pantry and closets in our house. I simply cannot do it. My mind gets overwhelmed and I stand and stare. Often giving up and finding something else to do. Once he gets it organized, I'm good. I just can't organize. Nor am I good at time management. When I was packing last week for our trip I had a bunch of things at the end that truly, in and of themselves, didn't take long. Cory pointed out that the problem is that I leave so many "little" things for the last minute and so the last minute ends up taking about 45 minutes to an hour. Ouch. Honey, you're so right. I'll work on that...

So there are 7 random things. I'm passing this on to LeeAnn, Meleea, Shannon, Rebecca, Mara, Krista, and Sheelagh. Love you girls and have fun!!

Good Times, Good Friends

We were so blessed to be able to go visit our good friends this last weekend. We spent 4 wonderfully relaxing days in sunny Arizona. It was fantastic. It was just what we needed... if only we could have snapped our fingers, wiggled our nose and have gotten there without the plane ride. If only we could skip the plane ride. Actually, if only we could snap our fingers, wiggle our nose and have Brenton transported without the plane ride we would have been golden. A two year old on a plane? Not such a great idea. Maybe I should recommend that they put playgrounds on planes...We drank coffee, ate donuts, swam, sat in the sun, played Guitar Hero, figure skated (on the Wii, of course), went to Tripp's firestation, went on an adult date (thank you Papa Lew and Nan), drank more coffee, had delicious margarita's, laughed, relaxed, saw my old college roommate and great friend, laughed and relaxed some more. If only we could bottle that up and not have it be so long between visits. Our kids have not seen each other since our friends moved last July. The great thing was that they picked up right where they left off. They had so much fun. Tuesday morning Jackson was already asking when we would get to go back and play with Ryan and Casey.

These friends are our family. They have walked with us through so many trials. Tripp and Cory were roommates in college and the bonus was that Amy and I got along great as well. They have been there for us more times than I can count and we love them. We miss them. I know that they are where they should be and yet, selfishly, I wish they were still here. I am so thankful for where they are though. They are close to Tripp's family and I know that is such a treasure. I loved seeing their little girl light up when her Nan came in the room. She loves her Nan. What a blessing that they are so close.

Four years ago we sold our house and started the process of buying a new one. The beauty was that we would get to pick everything out ourselves. Counter tops. Carpet. Cabinets. Colors. Everything. The bad part was that it wouldn't be ready for 4 months. Our friends graciously let us and our 2 children move into their home. Four months we lived together. Half-way through, Ella was born. Three weeks after we moved out their second son was born. The house was full of kids and hormones and we couldn't have had a better time. Not to say it didn't get crazy. It did. Not to say I never got crabby. I did. When we started this venture, everyone had doubts. They didn't think we would be friends after this. I was such a hermit no one thought I could do it. I look back on those four months and am so thankful for every minute of them. They were such a blessing. Our friends are such a blessing.

Amy might as well be my sister. She is a blessing from God. She is the one I talk to about nothing and everything. We don't have to have a reason to call. We don't have to talk for long. We can call just to vent, cry or laugh about silly things that we see. Everyone needs an Amy. I'm so thankful for my Amy.

I'm so thankful for our weekend. It was beyond wonderful relaxing with my family. It was fantastic going on a date with my husband. I loved every minute of watching the kids play. I loved that they so graciously let us come in and overtake their house with our big family. I love our friends.

Thank you Lord for great friends. Thank you Lord for long weekends away. Thank you for dates and for laughter. I love you Lord!