Six Months

I hesitate writing this. Feeling as though I'm opening up my heart for all the world to see. And, for whatever reason, makes me feel entirely vulnerable.

I need to write this. To take any power away from Satan. To not allow him any grip on my heart or my stomach.

I was driving down the road yesterday. Completely in love and in awe of God and all he has been doing in our lives. Heart overflowing. Cup full. Then, my stomach flipped. And flopped. I heard a little voice say, "but, it's almost been 6 months"...

Six months is a big number in my head. We have not gone more than 6 months without a major crisis since 2005. And by major, I mean, death, life threatening illnesses and life threatening choices.

Six months.

I know that God has gotten us through every single struggle. And I know that He has not only gotten us through, but that He has made us stronger too. I know that we are closer to God now than we were then. I'm thankful for where we are and for what we've gone through.

However, I'm good for now.

I'm loving this peace. I'm loving the joy that flows abundantly from my heart. I love that my chest feels so full of God's goodness.

I struggle saying this. I don't want it to come out wrong. It doesn't mean that I love God any less when we are struggling. It doesn't mean that I'm not thankful for all His many blessing when we are struggling...

It's just that this peace is AMAZING. And I would love to rest in it for more than 6 months.

I know that this life is not our home.

I know that there are no promises that it will be easy... for any amount of time.

I know that Satan is going to use this fear to try and overtake my heart...

Every time I feel that flop, I promise to personally hand it to God.

It's hard though. And I don't even know how to explain...

Last year, I wrote this. I wrote of my excitement for the new year. I wrote of my excitement for what God had for us. I wrote...

"I look forward to the next year. I'm so curious to see where we are headed. I'm so thankful that no matter where we are that God will be there. Walking along side of us. Carrying us when we need Him to. Guiding us. Whispering to us. Loving us."

And he was right there. Walking beside us. Carrying us.

Not 12 hours later when I had to call 911 for a family member.

And he was there exactly 6 months later when I got the call that my brother's cancer was incurable.

He was. He always is. He always will be.

But, as I sit here, with tears in my eyes, I feel like a little kid. Asking for "just 5 more minutes".

Praying that God would calm my fear. Praying that this calm can last a bit longer. Praying that as life is calm that we are able to pour God's blessing out on others. That our experiences would bless others. That our laughter. Our praises. Our love. Would be seen and heard. That people would be touched. That they would know Christ.

Heart pounding. I'll go one more. My Bible beckoned last night. It was late. I was getting ready to turn out the light. God beckoned...

Wondering what he wanted to tell me, I opened my Bible. I've been reading the book of Ezekiel. I was completely curious as to what could apply to me as I neared the end of the book. Then came the words. And the tears...

"Therefore, thus says the Lord God: 'Now I will bring back the captives of Jacob, and have mercy on the whole house of Israel; and I will be jealous for My holy name - after they have borne their shame, and all their unfaithfulness in which they were unfaithful to Me, when they dwelt safely in their own land and no one made them afraid. When I have brought them back from the peoples and gathered them out of their enemies' lands, and I am hallowed in them in the sight of many nations, then they shall know that I am the Lord their God, who sent them into captivity among the nations, but also brought them back to their land, and left none of them captive any longer. And I will not hide My face from them anymore; for I shall have poured out My Spirit on the house of Israel,' says the Lord God." Ezekiel 39:25-29

I hesitate sharing this. Doubting the moment. Doubting my understanding. Doubting.

But, I feel God prompting.

And I DON'T want to give ANY power to the enemy.

So, I CHOOSE to rest in God's words. I CHOOSE to TRUST. I CHOOSE to uncurl my little hand and raise it high. To give my fear to the only one who can calm any of it. And continue to pray with every little flip and flop for His peace to continue on my heart.

The Gift

12 years ago Cory and I got dressed up in our college best. You know, clean hair, nice sweaters and jeans. We were fancy.

We even splurged on dinner that night. Olive Garden.

We held hands over dinner. We dreamed about our future. We talked about getting married someday. Our plan had been to get married after we graduated. But then. Then, we thought, "why not get married sooner?" We couldn't wait. We'd been dating since I was 16 and he was 17. We were done with dating.

We finished dinner and headed back to his room. Decorated with Christmas lights. Blinking red and green. Cory put a song on the radio by Jim Brickman...

Winter snow is falling down.
Children laughing all around.
Lights are turning on,
like a fairy tale come true.

Sitting by the fire we made.
You're the answer when I prayed,
I would find someone
and baby I found you.

All I want is to hold you forever.
All I need is you more every day.
You saved my heart
from being broken apart.
You gave your love away.
And I'm thankful every day
for the gift.

Watching as you softly sleep,
what I'd give if I could keep,
just this moment,
if only time stood still.

But the colors fade away
and the years will make us gray
but baby in my eyes
you'll still be beautiful

All I want is to hold you forever.
All I need is you more every day.
You saved my heart
from being broken apart.
You gave your love away
and I'm thankful every day
for the gift.

We sat holding hands. Starry eyed. So excited to be husband and wife. Deciding to get married the next December. We would play this song at our wedding.

After a couple of conversations with some very wise friends, we decided that being engaged for a year was not the best of ideas. We moved the date up to August and could no longer play a song that talked of snow falling.

This song still holds such a special place in my heart. It takes me back to the night I first heard it. Starry eyed. Joy and excitement filling every fiber of my body. Dreaming of being Cory's wife. Giddy.

When the song came on the other night I couldn't help but praise God. With the exception of the snow falling, God had given us every bit of our fairytale.

We have children laughing (and fighting) all around us.

We have the beautiful lights that Cory put on our house.

We have the fire that Cory made in the fireplace.

I have Cory by my side. The answer to my prayers. The love of my life... who I seem to fall more and more in love with everyday.

God's blessings seem to be overflowing on our family right now. I get tears in my eyes every time I think about it. Every time that song plays. I am simply blown away.

I'm not used to all these blessings. Scratch that. We have been abundantly blessed through all our times of trial. God was evident every step of the way. What I am not used to is the crazy blessings when life is going great in the first place. When He reaches down and says, "See. I'm here now too." When He does things that have no other explanation but Him. I feel I'm in a constant state of awe.

I find myself, again, starry eyed. So in love. Giddy.

Thank you Lord!

A Tale Of Two J's

I've posted about this before.

And yes, it's happened again.

I keep wondering just how long this motherhood induced stupidity will last.

I thought maybe it would be done once I was done spending so much energy changing diapers.

It has not ended.

Not even close.

Last night, as Ella and I sat down to decorate her "J is for Jesus the cause of it all" letter, I thought to myself...

To the kids the words will be backwards so they are forward to those in front.

So, we should decorate the J like this...

I'm not kidding.

Does anyone see anything wrong with this picture???

After the children were nestled all snug in their beds, with visions of J's dancing in their heads,

Mama in her kerchief and Pa in his hat were just settling down for a wonderful craft,

She glued and she sprinkled and placed red hots just right,

So the poor little J would no longer face right.

Seriously.

God's Goodness

Back in April we fell in love with a house. An old farmhouse on 4 acres. Four acres that would be perfect for our family to run and play on. Playing on the tire swing, exploring the old barn, hiding in the trees. We prayed for doors to open. Knowing that it could only happen IF God worked some miracles...

Doors started opening. Wide. It was crazy! Things fell into place and we made an offer. It was a short sale, so we knew it wouldn't be quick. However, after our offer was accepted by the owners, it sounded like things would, indeed, move quickly.

From the beginning, my biggest fear was that we were relying on the fact that we would be able to rent our house. THIS was my biggest concern. I'd seen the numbers on paper. Everything worked. We just NEEDED to rent our house. And from the beginning, Cory continued to say, "if God makes all these other doors open, I know that he will open that door too." Renting our house was the least of his concerns...

Weeks past. Months past. Finally, one day, after very specific prayers, we decided to pull out of our offer. That house had become much more about the house. Not what was perfect for our family. It became something I was very proud to show to family and friends. It was not God's best for us...

We toured several more houses. Made offers on a couple more. Then, one Saturday morning, while Cory was out of town, I stumbled upon this house. I knew, instantly, that it would be perfect for our family. I also knew that there was no way that we would get it. After all, in my head, there was no way that the bank would not get way more than what they were asking for. We offered what we could and left it to God...

Amazingly, our offer was accepted. Amazingly, when problems were found in the inspection, the bank agreed to fix all of them. Amazingly, doors swung wide open. Amazingly, God was quick to remind me that He had it all taken care of. Every. Step. Of. The. Way.

When I was anxious about changing schools and he gave me familiar faces.

When I met the new teachers and knew they would be a perfect fit.

When we moved in and it instantly felt like home.

When my children loved their first day of school.

When we found out our neighbors have a wonderful 8 year old boy.

When we got a call from someone wanting to rent our house.

And another.

And another.

There were several times when the fear would creep in.

A few nights before we moved I layed in bed. Fearful. Sobbing. Wondering if we were doing the right thing. Afraid that we were about to make a huge mistake. Afraid that we would not be able to find anyone to rent our house. Completely full of fear. Then, I was VERY clearly reminded. Fear is NOT of the Lord. The anxiety in my stomach was NOT coming from the Lord. The feeling of wanting to vomit? Not from the Lord. The panic? Definitely NOT from the Lord. He simply does NOT work like that. God was patient that night and very clearly reminded me of all that He had done. Every door that had been opened was layed before me. I fell asleep that night knowing 2 things. 1. I had just been attacked by Satan. 2. God was WAY more powerful. And the peace that came over me was like a breath of fresh air.

We were at church one Sunday after we had moved. A friend came up and asked how the new house was...

Perfect!

You mean, it would be perfect if your other house was rented out too, right?

Nope. That would be beyond perfect.

The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. The peace that has been ever present in our new home is amazing. Even among the chaos and craziness that is our life, there is just an amazing sense of peace. It is simply indescribable.

About a month ago, Cory showed the house to a couple moving into town. They really seemed to like our house and Cory really seemed to think that they would be "the ones". He just had a good feeling about them. A week or so later, they called again. They were the ones. They loved it. It would be perfect for them. All the way down to Ella's pink room.

God has worked out every detail involved. Things that NEVER would have worked out had we tried to do it on our own. I am so very thankful. Thankful for the new home. Thankful for the new schools. Thankful for the new friends. Thankful for the beautiful sunsets. Thankful for daily reminders of God's love. Thankful that He loves us so stinkin' much!

A Hunting We will Go...

A hunting we will go, A hunting we will go, Hi-ho the derry-O, A hunting we will go! I LOVE getting our tree. Beautiful cold wintry days. Gorgeous trees. Animals to gaze upon. The sights. The smells. Beautiful. Not only do we get to hunt for the perfect tree, but I also get to "hunt" for the perfect shots of my kids... weaving in and out of the trees, holding hands as they help each other, they often don't even know I'm on the prowl... until I yell, "do that again. It was cute!" We searched close to our new home this year. And while our tree wasn't quite as tall as I would have liked, it still is perfect. The perfect size for the kids to help decorate. The perfect size for the amount of lights we have. And I must say, perfect sitting in our new family room. I love this time of year. Twinkling lights. Christmas music. Celebrating Jesus. Praising God. Waiting for snow. Frosty mornings. Ice puddles. And red noses. Frigid nights. Wintry sunsets. And family snuggles. Simply beautiful!

All Grown Up

Happy birthday my sweet Cole. And perhaps, you're not all grown up, but you are definitely getting closer. I was looking through pictures earlier this week and was blown away at how much you have grown in the last 2 years.

First day of school 2007

You have grown physically.

You have grown spiritually.

You have grown emotionally.

You have grown socially.

You are growing into a fine young man.

14.

Holy cow.

Cole, I am so proud of you. I am so proud to call you son. I am so thankful to call you son. You are a blessing from above.

This year we officially became your parents and thank the Lord everyday that you are here to stay.

I simply cannot imagine life any other way. You have completed our family. You have filled the void. You are a wonderful treasure.

We've had fun playing in the snow this year...

And playing in the sun...

But of all the fun, my favorite is to just watch you as you play and teach your brothers and sister. You are so good to them... well, most of the time. And they so look up to you. You, my son, are their cool big brother. And I guarantee that they want to be just like you!

I came across 2 pictures that show your heart. And although you cannot stand one of them, I'll tell you what I love most about it...

When we were in Coeur d'Alene this year and Dad and Aunt Kristin took you all on a hike you carried Ella when she was too tired to go on. Her face shows complete exhaustion. And there you are. Her brother. Carrying her. Taking care of her. Loving her.

Dad thought he was being funny by trying to get a picture of you holding Ella's pony. While we could all laugh at that, I LOVE that you were holding Ella's pony. Not because of the obvious, but because, there you were, again, helping her.

I know they frustrate you often. They are loud. They are whiny. They get in your space way too much. I also know that they love you. Look up to you. And think you're the coolest thing since sliced bread.

And I know that you love them too. In the way that you are quick to step in when they need help. When they want carried. When they are tired. You are there.

Your heart is beautiful and I pray that as you continue to grow that you would continue to look to God and what he desires for you. I pray that you would continue walking in His ways. That you would continue to make good choices. That you would always know that you are loved more than you could ever imagine!

Happy Happy Birthday My Son!!

Unbuckled

It's been one of those mornings. One in which, I sit here, ready to eat my arm off, but shaking from the stress of the morning and just needing some deep breaths before I tackle lunchtime... rather, the kids are fed and humming away while they enjoy every morsel. I'm just holding out until I can eat in peace. No sharing. No cold food that's meant to be hot. Just me. My lunch. And quiet.

I should've known today would be like this when sweet B came in for our morning snuggle, crying. We could NOT understand what it was that he was so upset about and finally, after waking all his siblings, we figured out, he had peed his pants and wanted his boo (aka Blanket) and bears.

I should've known what today would be like when I went to get dressed and felt like I had bricks in my arms and legs. When my bed, that has been so neatly made everyday (yes. Everyday.) since we moved, beckoned, and stayed unmade. When I arrived at Ella's preschool at close to 9:30 (it starts at 9). When I realized that 9:45 was way too late to arrive at Jazzercise (it starts at 9:30).

And although my head and body were already done by this point, I pressed on. Off to find Cole one of his birthday presents. Putting pressure on myself to find just the right item. Stressing that he might not like it. Crabby because I HATE making such decisions and having the entire weight of him liking it on MY shoulders. No other opinions. Just me. My sweet B (who continuously collapsed in the aisles of the store). And the sweet lady working in the shoe department. Tired, but not wanting to sit on the little bench RIGHT by me, B continued to whine about going home. I continued to wish we could go home too. We were a lovely pair. Lovely.

I finally settled. Practically having to drag B to the cashier. Ready to throw in the towel.

Off to Target where I truly could not for the life of me remember why I had to walk through those doors. I told B once and thankfully he remembered. I continued to ask him, "why are we here??" Oh, right. I needed treats for the advent calender. And a hands free device. And who knows what else.

Bags in hand. Done with our mission. We headed to the car. Glad to have a hands free device I decided to give it a try. Crap. It sucked. I could hear NOTHING! I unbuckled Brent. Walked back into the store. Returned the lovely device. Carried Brent to the back of the store. Loathed the rest of the options. Decided I just will NOT talk on the phone while driving. And headed BACK out the door.

Buckled Brent. Slid BACK into my seat. Reached for my sunglasses in my purse. CRAP! I left them in the store. Unbuckled Brent. AGAIN. Walked into the store. AGAIN. Got said glasses and headed BACK out the door.

Seriously.

In a sweat. Windows rolled down (it's 39 degrees). We drive to school. Get Ella, who seems to have broken her ears while at school. Load into the car. Buckle Brent. Tap tap on the window.

"Do you know where the Episcopal church is?"

"No, I'm sorry I don't. The only one I know of is downtown."

"Oh. I have some baby things to donate and forgot the address."

"They may be able to help you in the office. It's through the door over there."

"That's okay."

It broke my heart to watch her go to get back in her car. She appeared to be in her mid 80's. Having a hard enough time getting in and out of her own car. Knowing she didn't want to take the walk across the parking lot. I offered to go ask.

"Yes. Please."

Unbuckling Brent once again. And Ella too. Off we went.

We got directions. Wrote them down. And headed BACK out the door. Back to help the sweet lady. Back to the car. Back to the carseat. Buckling Brent once AGAIN.

I'm tired. I've got baking to do. Laundry that beckons. A cheesecake to make today for Cole's birthday Friday. Lunch to eat and dinner to make.

I'm pooped. Ready for bedtime. Ready to start over. Thankful that there will be NO MORE buckling and unbuckling for the rest of the day! Praise the Lord.

***I had to laugh. Or I would have cried... As I sat down to eat my lunch in the quiet, I saw a bus drive down the road. Holy COW! I had completely forgotten that my kids get out early on Wednesdays. Crap. I guess I'll get quiet after bedtime.***

Truth Be Told

I had 1000 reasons why we shouldn't.

Okay, maybe not 1000.

But, many...

We have nothing to wear.

We are not fashion forward.

At all.

My hair hasn't been colored in a year.

My thighs are bigger than necessary.

My skin resembles that of a teenager.

My son has a big bruise on his forehead.

I have five children.

Who like to make funny faces.

And pick their noses.

And throw fits.

And bug each other.

We just moved into a new house.

With that comes projects.

And spending.

And spending.

Oh, and did I mention?

I have 5 children.

And yet, when our friend sent out the email telling of a "mini" session, I couldn't resist.

It wouldn't cost much.

We hadn't had our family picture taken in 2 years.

2.

And my children are growing rapidly.

And Christmas is coming.

And we really wanted to send cards this year.

With our picture.

So, we signed up.

Scrambled for something to wear.

Scrubbed ourselves clean.

And headed to our appointment.

There was no nose picking. (I don't think)

There were few fits.

There was little bugging.

We had our picture taken.

Chased dinosaurs to chase away crabby attitudes.

And had very little moments of panic.

We offered candy.

And smiled.

I've been anxious ever since.

Wondering.

Did ANY turn out?

Imagine my surprise when I got to see them today...

Beautiful.

Tears in my eyes.

I watched the slide show over and over.

Our gifted friend captured my children perfectly.

From mischievous smiles.

To pop star poses.

She did it.

She is a miracle worker.

Now.

The next task.

Narrowing down my favorites.

I got it to 14.

Ouch.

Thank you Nicci!

Truly!

Knees And Elbows

I was in doing the dishes last night and heard a sweet voice from behind...

"Mom, I can't go to sleep."

It was 10:15.

My sweet boy. My sweet bug who is known to fall asleep like his father - in seconds. My Caden.

Just the night before he had come out about 20 minutes after we had put him to bed. He was sobbing. He missed his Papa. He came over. Snuggled and sobbed. With every ounce of strength, wanting to only hold him closer, I sent him over to his Daddy. I knew Daddy was missing Papa too. Together, they snuggled and talked.

Talked about Papa. Talked about Nana Pam. Talked about how wonderful they were and how Nana Pam would have been an amazing Nana. He finally settled down and in his sweet little voice said, "can you show me a picture of your Mom tomorrow?"

I can't help but think that my sweet boy was still having deep thoughts last night too. When I asked what was going on in his sweet head, he said he didn't know...

We walked into the family room and as we lay on the couch he melted right into me. Curled in a ball. I was left remembering snuggling in the same way when he was a baby... Only then, his knees weren't jabbing my hips. His elbows, not in my side. Yet, there we were, a perfect fit. Completely comfortable. Knees, elbows and all.

I marvelled at how quickly he has grown. I could almost smell the sweetness of his baby head. I could remember how it felt to have him resting in the crook of my arm. And as I wondered if we were creating a terrible habit, I couldn't help but savor a moment that has become fewer and farther between.

As I stroked his sweet face, trying to get him to relax and sleep, I sang the song I sang a million times when he was a baby. The song that would calm him in the car. That would help his cries cease on the changing table. That would lull him to sleep...

Mr. Caden, Mr. Caden Scott,
Do you know that I love you a lot?
Mr. Caden, Mr. Beautiful Man,
Oh, Mr. Caden do you know how happy I am?

He fell asleep within minutes and as I carried him off to bed, I thanked the Lord for such an amazing gift.

When You Give Your Son Some Country...

He just might come home and jump in mud puddles...

Which might then cause you to take his WET pants off when he goes inside...

And he might then want to come back out again...

And play some more...

And you just might not care...

And you might just need to take some more pictures of the ever changing scenery that God has SO blessed you with...

Jackson

There have been times in Jackson's life where we have actually wondered if we're going to be able to raise him without breaking his spirit. He is tenacious to say the least. He likes things his way. He STILL throws fits.

We get frustrated. We pray for A LOT of wisdom. We are often at a loss.

But, today. Today, holy cow. Today, I met with his teacher. And what I heard made my heart swell. Truly, I have no words to even describe how my heart feels right now...

Aside from being one of her favorite students. Aside from the fact that he is learning quickly and doing so well. Aside from the fact that he does, in fact, stay on task while at school. Aside from all this, there was something that I simply was not prepared to hear.

There is a little boy in Jackson's class that has special needs. And apparently, with no one saying a word, Jackson took it upon himself to help this little boy the very 1st week of school. He helps him around the classroom. He opens his thermos for him at lunch time. He is there. While the little boy is capable of talking, he often does not, however, he does say Jackson's name. Jackson has talked about this boy. When we have gotten "happy" notes sent home from the teacher she has said that he has helped other students in class. Jackson has told us who he helps and that he is his friend.

I am so thankful to have a son that saw the needs of another. That he has done this all on his own. That he is so loving and caring towards his classmates and friends. I am so thankful that for all the head scratching, frustrating times, that I know, my sweet boy's spirit is still alive and well. That I have NOTHING to worry about. God has knit Jackson together perfectly and He will continue to guide us in raising him. We will continue to pray for wisdom. There is still a long road ahead. But, for now, I'm so thankful to see that the foundation that is starting to set is a good one.

Lord, thank you for this glimpse!

I Really Shouldn't

I really shouldn't go there, but I just can't resist...

Our family has been pounded by what seems to be the swine flu. It started with Cory on Thursday night and hit Caden, Jackson, Ella, Brenton and I on Saturday night.

We've had fevers and chills, aches and puking, headaches and coughing. It's been lovely.

I'm not feeling better yet, but well enough to find the humor in it all...

Sunday morning, Cory commented that while it was pathetic (the view in our family room) it was also a little funny. I found NOTHING funny about it. Until later, when walking back from the bathroom, when I got a good look. Yeah. It was a little funny. And a lot pathetic.


We do not have enough room on the couches for everyone to lay down so we ended up making beds on the floor. Brenton and Caden would go back and forth between the floor and our snuggles on the couch. Ella, however, did not move from the floor for 2 days. If she wasn't sleeping, she was puking. She'd wake up, puke, drink a sip of something, say something cute, and fall back to sleep.

Thankfully, it has yet to hit Cole. Thankfully, we seem to be on the mend. And as much as it stinks to be so sick, I found myself thanking God that we have gotten so much time together in the last few days. Because, truly, who doesn't love lots and lots of snuggles?

What If

I am not a big fan of change. Seriously.

I order the same thing whenever we go out to eat. While something may sound delicious, I'm always scared of trying something new... what if it doesn't taste as good as what I usually order. We don't go out to eat often, I wouldn't want to waste the experience. So, I order the same thing. Because, after all, what if...

I would rather go to a store that I am familiar with than to try a new one. What if they don't have what I need. Then I would have to go to another store. What if I can't find what I need. What if...

As we've looked at houses for the last 6 months, for all the excitement, there's also been a bit of the what ifs. What if it's not all that we think it will be?

Right now, I know what to expect... I know that the neighbors dog will probably wake us up at 5:45 a few mornings a week. I know that the neighbors dog will probably bark until late at night at least 1 night a week. I know that the "little drummer boy" (as I like to call him) will probably practice his skills at least a couple times a week. And I know that I will be able to hear said practice regardless of the fact that all our windows are closed and the TV is on. I know that at some point during the week I will hear or see something from the neighbor kids that I do not like. And as annoying as all these things can be, at least, I know what to expect.

What if, at the new house, we have even MORE obnoxious things to deal with?

Yesterday was a day of running around. I needed to get the withdrawal paperwork from the kid's current school. Then, I needed to get registration paperwork from the new schools. And go to the new post office.

As I went to Caden and Jack's school, I was a little sad. I love the secretary at their school. She is so nice. She is so helpful. She is what I know. And I LOVE Caden's teacher. She is perfect for him. Perfect!

I was talking to my wonderful friend on the phone on my way out to the new school. Sharing my silly anxieties. What if they aren't as nice at the new school? What if our new neighbors suck? What if the kid's teachers aren't perfect for them? What if??

Of course, my friend so sweetly talked me out of the tree. God knows what he's doing. If their teachers are mean. They'll get over it. And the neighbors, again, God knows what he's doing. It will be fine.

Well, imagine my surprise when I walked into Caden and Jack's new school. There, sitting behind the desk, was a wonderful familiar face. I looked at her. She looked at me. "Is that Meredith??" It was one of my good friend's mom from middle school. She was like a 2nd mom to me. And even after her daughter and I weren't as close, she was also sure to give me the biggest hug whenever I saw her. I love their family!

I was so thankful as I drove away. It was as if God was right there beside me, patting my hand, and saying, "See, it's okay, I've got this one too!" I know it's a little thing to most, but to me, it was huge. My anxieties vanished. I know that God's got it all worked out, however that may look. I know he's got it.

And as I prepared dinner last night - TV on, kids playing loudly, and "little drummer boy" playing clear as day, I couldn't help but be even more excited for our big move.

I Smile

"I smile when I think about the way you turned my life around. I smile when I think about the happiness in you I found. I'm so amazed at what your love has done. That when I think the best is yet to come, I smile..."

I used to sing that song while rubbing my tummy when I was pregnant with Caden. I cannot help smiling every time I hear that song. Every time...

Having kids has been so much better than not...

Having 5 kids has been so much better, for us, than 4, 3, 2, or 1...

Our marriage is so much better now, than it was...

My relationship with God is so much better now, than it was...

I cannot help but smile when I think that the best is yet to come. Even with as good as it is now.

Watching my children makes me smile. Every day I get to be reminded of God's love through my children. I LOVE that He has blessed me with each and every one of them. I LOVE that He has blessed me with SO many reminders. With so many reasons to smile...

Brenton got to go to his 1st Blazer game with his Daddy this week. He was beaming as they left and he got to ride in Daddy's truck. Cory was so sweet to send me pictures throughout the night. In each one, Brenton's smile could not have been any bigger. When they got home, he told me all about their night... the huge flying car with no parents or kids in it, Blaze the trail cat, getting to give the visiting players high fives, eating a giant pretzel with Dad. He loved it! Watching his joy made my heart overflow.

So tired after a night at the game...

I wasn't feeling well yesterday. My head was pounding. My stomach was turning. We were driving home from school and I told Ella and Brenton that I needed to lay down when we got home. While I was making Brenton's lunch, Ella so sweetly let me know that she was making a bed for me on the couch. There she was, carefully laying a blanket down for me, arranging the pillows, making it perfect. It warmed my heart. Realizing I must be doing something right...

Cory was making breakfast this morning and Caden came up to him... "Dad, you're not the only Dad I've ever had. God's my Dad too!" Melt my heart! I loved hearing Caden make that connection. That God is not just God, who sits in Heaven, watching over us. But, that he's his Daddy too. I was 16 before I figured that out!

It's been a wonderful week of heart warming moments. Watching Jack as he tries to help Cole. Watching Cole as he reads to the kids. Caden realizing God's his Daddy too. Ella, mothering her mom. Brenton beaming.

I love weeks like this. Where even among all the craziness of packing, I still get to see how much God loves me. How much He cares for me. Days where I can feel Him. Right there. And then, I smile...