On The Playground

*****Repost from 10/24/08*****

As I put Caden to bed the other night, he told me he did not want to go to school the next day. I asked him why. "I don't have anyone to play with". Immediately my heart was sad. I pictured my sweet boy at school. My sweet boy whom I have watched. He stands on the edge, wanting to play, not knowing how to get started. He is shy and reminds me of myself... especially when I was younger. Thankfully, a good friend of mine had gone through this with her own son. She suggested that he ask the kids if they want to play. That sometimes kids don't know that you want to play. They aren't trying to exclude you. I suggested this to Caden. Just ask someone if they want to play. Ask if you can join in their play. I prayed for him to have a better day and that he would feel God there beside Him. When he got home from school, I asked how his day was. Did he ask? No.

It's funny how life doesn't change. It seems, that even as adults, we often aren't sure how to go about building a friendship. It feels awkward to ask. Sometimes we just assume. We assume they already have good friends. We assume they don't like us. While we sit back and assume, we sit back and get lonely.

Years ago a bunch of our friends left the church that we've attended since high school. These friends were the people we had basically grown up with. We didn't see them all the time, but we always had them to talk to at church. We were in homegroups with them. They didn't leave because there was a problem with our church. They left because they felt called to another. We didn't feel called. We felt we were to stay put. When they left we had no connection.

We found ourselves becoming Sunday morning attenders. We would slip in and out. We didn't know anyone. Our blanket of friends wasn't there and it seemed everyone else had someone. It was lonely. The enemy was loving it. We were isolated and when I think back, these were some of the rougher years in our marriage. Spiritually we struggled. Financially we struggled. As a couple we struggled.

We were assuming. We didn't know how to ask others to play. We were just like Caden.

Thankfully, God opened some doors and got us plugged in. We started working with the couples ministry and were blessed to make some wonderful friends. Friends who would invite us to join their homegroup. Friends that treated us as family. As we got more involved in the couples ministry, we made more friends. It was interesting one night. I remember talking to someone and mentioning that we didn't know many people at the church anymore. Let me rephrase that. We knew people, but we didn't know people. The person I was talking to was surprised. They said they always just assumed that we were super connected. They knew we had attended the church for a long time. They assumed.

As God has challenged and stretched me I've gotten more comfortable with stepping outside my box and inviting others in. I don't feel as awkward asking others to play. What's funny about this is that I think my boundary has gone the other way. I don't want to just assume that people are connected. I don't want someone to be isolated and lonely. I know that I can't be everyone's best friend and that's not what I'm asking. However, when I'm talking to someone, I want them to know that I really do want to know how they are doing. I do care. I have several friends that I so value. When they ask me how I am doing there is no chance that I can lie. They look into my soul. I can see in their eyes that they don't want the fluff. They want the truth. I love this!

I'm sure I overstep at times. I just want people to know they are not alone. There is someone there who cares. If they have someone already, great. If they just need someone in that moment to pray for them, I'll do it. As I've gone through trials, the things that have reminded me that God is there are times when I've gotten an email. An email just to say I'm thinking about you. I'm praying for you. The times that have touched me most are the times when someone has prayed for me and said things that there is no way they could have known. I know God is there. He gave them those words. He prompted their heart. I treasure cards I've gotten that say exactly what I needed to hear. So often, I pass on a prompting. Wondering if that prompting is coming from God or my own flesh. It's often awkward. More and more I just have to get over myself. What if that prompting is from God and the person you're thinking about just needs to hear that someone is praying for them. They just need that connection. They need to hear from God and God is asking that you let them know that He is there. He is right beside them. He cares.

I've decided that when I'm out on the playground I need to start looking around. Who's standing there wanting to play? And on the days when it seems everyone else has a friend to play with, I just need to remember to ask if I can play too. God knows our paths. He knows when they will cross. He will prompt us. Are we listening?