Yesterday

Oh my. What a little time with whining kids will do. Here I am, less than 24 hours after I wrote the last post and I am pooped. My wonderfully made children whined most of the day away yesterday. Ella woke up at 2 this morning just wanting to snuggle. I sent her back to bed, promised snuggles in the morning and prayed she would go back to sleep. At 5 she padded back in. Her cheek hurt. Seriously? Her cheek. I so nicely told her that maybe if she was sleeping like she was supposed to be and wasn't picking at her cheek, she would be fine. Then so sweetly, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and sent her back to bed. At 5:19, she was back. I lovingly offered a little discipline and sent her on her way. Six rolls around and I hear her again. She is downstairs with her Daddy. I then hear crying coming from her room. I so calmly go into her room, tell her to stop crying. She's going to wake up the entire house. I tell her if she can't be quiet I will take her blankie and she can sit on the floor in my bathroom (this is the only place I could put her so she wouldn't wake everyone up). Seconds later, she's in my arms and on her way into the bathroom.

Last week at Mom's the wonderful Diane Moore spoke. One of the things she talked about was that, at times, kids behave like animals. There is no reasoning with them at this point. You should remove yourself from the situation. You should not rise to meet them at this level. When you lose it, it only feeds the animal.

As I'm hearing my daughter screaming in the bathroom I'm trying to remind myself of Diane's words. I'm wishing that the Lord would put earplugs in my ears. That I would not hear her. I'm losing it. This Mommy snaps, goes into the bathroom, has a little chat with her daughter and then stomps like a 2 year old back to her bed. At this point, my sweet husband comes in to kiss me goodbye. He whispers in my ear, "make sure you get some time with Jesus this morning." Thank you my husband. I love your reminder. Truly. I take a deep breath, ask him to please go calmly talk to his daughter. I am not calm. I do not have it in me. I have lost it and am hiding under the covers. He goes in, calms her down and off to bed she goes. She's still sleeping now. It's almost 8 and she never sleeps this late. In all honesty, I would love to go in right now and jump on her bed. Maybe then she would understand how frustrating it is to be woken when I am sleeping. But because I have calmed down, I know that is not the answer. Man, I sure can act like a child.

What I am thankful for is that this morning my other children have been golden. They have giggled. Kissed me. Loved on me. Reminding me that times aren't always so frustrating. It's been a quiet morning... since 6:30 anyway. I'm thankful for that. I'm looking forward to Ella waking up so that I can say sorry. Sorry for losing it. Sorry that Mommy messed up and I love you. I'm thankful that my girl will give me a big hug and won't hold it against me for the rest of the day.

I'm thankful for the blessing of my children. I'm thankful that even when I mess up, I am forgiven. My children forgive me. The Lord forgives me. He has blessed me abundantly and I so often mess up. I don't do what I know I should do. I choose to allow my "animal instinct" to lash out. I guess the comfort in this is that my children will not see perfection. They will not have a ridiculous standard to live up to. They will watch me make mistakes and hopefully will watch me ask for forgiveness. Hopefully, I can remember in my times of frustration that just as I mess up, my children mess up. Hopefully, I can give them the same grace they give me. Hopefully, we can all learn a little more about the Lord's grace. His mercy. His love.

I'm praying that our day can go a little more smoothly. That even though both Ella and I are short on sleep that we will enjoy each other. I'm praying that next time, I can choose the right path. I'm praying that as she gets older, her memories aren't of her Mommy losing it in the middle of the night. That she will always remember that I love her. I cherish her. That she will know that she is a perfect blessing from the Lord. Psalm 139:13,14 has been playing in my head all morning.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God knit my babies together. They are fearfully and wonderfully made. They are wonderful. God did not mess up. Everything about them is perfect. It is my job to teach them. To teach them about the Lord. To show them who the Lord is. To love them. To encourage them. And yes, even to discipline them. However, if I am doing it on my own, I am not doing it the Lord's way. I am doing it my way. I know that way will not work. My children will not turn out as God intended. So, I'm clinging to the Lord today. Clinging to His words. Clinging to His promises. Praying that he will guide me. Guide me when disciplining my children. Sternly take my hand when I'm choosing the wrong path. Praying that I will heed His voice. Praying that joy really will come in the morning.