There She Blows

I'm shaking. My heart is racing. I'm about to blow. I'm praying that if I just write it down, I'll find something funny about it. That maybe a light bulb will turn on. That I won't blow. Right now. I feel like exploding.

As I've gone about my morning, I've tried to be productive. Trying to be like my task-minded husband. Trying to focus and get the "little" things done. My "little" things tend to stack-up so I thought this would be a good day to conquer.

Unfortunately, while I cleaned the kitchen floors, my kids did this...

While I wiped down all the counters in the kitchen, my kids did this...

While I washed the sheets and towels that had been peed on, puked on and peed on some more, they did this...

While I put said items away, they did this...

While I made the beds that needed clean sheets, Brenton did this... on my freshly swept, freshly washed, kitchen floor... an entire bag of pretzels dumped!!!

Thankfully, this promised a snack for the other 2 as long as they cleaned up the entire mess. All I was left with was this...


While I changed into my clothes so that I could work out at nap time, my beautiful, wonderful, joyful 2 year old dumped the game Mad Gab all over the floor in the hallway. For the 2nd time this morning. As I was picking them up the 1st time, I was thinking about Not Me Monday . The thought of, "if anyone asks, I absolutely did NOT put the Mad Gab cards back in numerical order when they were dumped. I wouldn't do that. It would take me 20 minutes. That would be a waste of time. No one would ever notice if they were out of order. I would not be that anal. Nope. Not me." As I go to clean them up a 2nd time, I'm thinking they're lucky to get cleaned up. They are not going to be in order... maybe.

My heart is still racing. I'm still shaking. I know it's ridiculous. I know there are more important things. I know this truly doesn't matter. I guess in my world there is not much to show for my efforts. There isn't a list I can just check off. The checks don't work... they just reappear as empty boxes again only moments later. I love being a mom. I do. I love my kids. I truly do. Right now though. I just want to curl up in a ball. I want to scream. I want to stomp my feet, throw my face on the ground and just cry. I hate going round and round. I hate not having anything to show for my day. Yes, my kids have had a fun morning. However, I've had no part in it. I haven't gotten to play with them because I've been too busy cleaning. So, instead of getting to have fun, I've gotten to run in circles. Instead of having fun, I have to make my kids clean up their mess of fun. I want to have fun too.

Taking a deep deep breath. Putting my children to bed for nap. Spending some time with Jesus and forever clinging to my verse. Then maybe, just maybe, I'll turn on my TV and get my rear kicked by Jillian Michaels. Hopefully, when my kids wake up from nap, we'll be able to have some fun together...

"For You are my lamp, O Lord; The Lord shall enlighten my darkness. For by You I can run against a troop; By my God I can leap over a wall. As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. For who is God except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? God is my strength and power, And He makes my way perfect... For you have armed me with strength for the battle."

2 Samuel 22:29-33, 40