Was it helpful??
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I pulled through the drive-thru. Christmas gift card in hand. So excitedly reached for my coffee. I was set. I had my coffee. I had my God. I was taking deep breaths. All was good.
I got a good parking spot. I started unloading the kids. No one was throwing a fit... yet. All was good.
As I'm unloading, the lady loading her food next to me starts talking to me. Telling me how she remembers those days. And then it happened... our first fit. Jackson started crying because he wanted to ride in the front of the cart too. I ever so calmly told him he was the oldest. The younger ones get first dibs. Thankfully, the fit was over quickly when he asked if he could ride in the basket and I said yes. This whole time, the lady is talking to me. For me, that was almost more agitating than the fact that my child was throwing a fit. She was saying something about giving them jobs... I just kept reassuring her I was good. I had my coffee. I had my God. I'm good. Thanks. As we walked away, I heard her say something about letting Jack show the person at the door my Costco card. It actually sounded like a great idea! So, I offered the job to him. He said, "no", with a pouty lip, with his head down. "NO". At this point, Ella is now asking if she can... sure baby. Jack then proceeds to throw another fit because he has changed his mind. Sorry babe... So glad I tried that one.
I don't really know why she felt compelled to offer advice. I wasn't struggling in the first place. We were just fine. Then, the fact that she continued to talk during my child's fit drove me nuts. I'm sorry lady, but I need to pay attention to my child. Not you. Please, don't think me rude!
So, was it helpful? No. Was she at least trying? Yes. She probably thought she was coming in and saving my day. She didn't, but at least, I believe, her motives were good.
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I'm now inside Costco. My forehead must have had the words, "please, tell me how full my hands are!" on it. Like I said, I was calm. It was good. The kids weren't being crazy. Yet, I probably had 8 people tell me how full my hands were.
My answer? Yep. I have also been able to squeak the words out, "they're not full. They're blessed!"
I have to bite my tongue. I really do NOT like it when people say that. I pray I NEVER say that to a young mom. EVER!
What I want to say? You don't know the half of it!! I've got 2 more at home. Three is nothing. Or perhaps, I could go into how hard we tried for the first 2. How the 3rd was a surprise, that the 4th was a miracle and that the 5th was brought to us by God. Of course, I could never get all those words out. So, I choose to grin and bear it.
Yesterday, however, I did get one pleasant surprise. As I walked by a women, who was probably in her 70's, she said, "your children are beautiful!!" She was glowing. She was gazing. I said thank you and continued walking. She then went on to tell me that she had 4 children, how far apart they were, and that the youngest was coming into town this weekend and was bringing her 5 grandchildren with her. She was so excited! She was so sweet. I then shared that my parents were coming this weekend. I told her to enjoy her weekend and off we went.
So, was it helpful?? Absolutely! She made me smile. She warmed my heart. I loved that little 30 second exchange of words.
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I was in the check out line at Winco the other day. I was tired. My kids were tired. We had already hit Target, the office store and the party store. It was late. I was pushing it. I took my time through the store. I was patient at the store. God was getting me through. Then we hit the checkout line.
Oh, how I love the checkout line. With the candy all at eye level for the kids. Yes, candy, crackers, and any kind of snack any child would love. I LOVE it!
Brenton sees the Life Savers and I ever so patiently tell him he needs to put them back. He then proceeds to throw himself on the floor. Being the kind, loving and attentive mother that I am, I chose to walk away. To walk right on down to my cart and start bagging my groceries. I'm doing my best not to loose it. I have pushed my children way too far. We are all tired. But, seriously?? Throwing himself on the floor over life savers?
I then notice that the people behind me are a little irritated by Brenton's display. He's not in their way, but they sure are acting inconvenienced. I pick him up, take Ella out of the cart, and put him in the cart. He continues to scream...
At this point, my blood is starting to boil a bit and the lady bagging her groceries next to me says...
I got a good parking spot. I started unloading the kids. No one was throwing a fit... yet. All was good.
As I'm unloading, the lady loading her food next to me starts talking to me. Telling me how she remembers those days. And then it happened... our first fit. Jackson started crying because he wanted to ride in the front of the cart too. I ever so calmly told him he was the oldest. The younger ones get first dibs. Thankfully, the fit was over quickly when he asked if he could ride in the basket and I said yes. This whole time, the lady is talking to me. For me, that was almost more agitating than the fact that my child was throwing a fit. She was saying something about giving them jobs... I just kept reassuring her I was good. I had my coffee. I had my God. I'm good. Thanks. As we walked away, I heard her say something about letting Jack show the person at the door my Costco card. It actually sounded like a great idea! So, I offered the job to him. He said, "no", with a pouty lip, with his head down. "NO". At this point, Ella is now asking if she can... sure baby. Jack then proceeds to throw another fit because he has changed his mind. Sorry babe... So glad I tried that one.
I don't really know why she felt compelled to offer advice. I wasn't struggling in the first place. We were just fine. Then, the fact that she continued to talk during my child's fit drove me nuts. I'm sorry lady, but I need to pay attention to my child. Not you. Please, don't think me rude!
So, was it helpful? No. Was she at least trying? Yes. She probably thought she was coming in and saving my day. She didn't, but at least, I believe, her motives were good.
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I'm now inside Costco. My forehead must have had the words, "please, tell me how full my hands are!" on it. Like I said, I was calm. It was good. The kids weren't being crazy. Yet, I probably had 8 people tell me how full my hands were.
My answer? Yep. I have also been able to squeak the words out, "they're not full. They're blessed!"
I have to bite my tongue. I really do NOT like it when people say that. I pray I NEVER say that to a young mom. EVER!
What I want to say? You don't know the half of it!! I've got 2 more at home. Three is nothing. Or perhaps, I could go into how hard we tried for the first 2. How the 3rd was a surprise, that the 4th was a miracle and that the 5th was brought to us by God. Of course, I could never get all those words out. So, I choose to grin and bear it.
Yesterday, however, I did get one pleasant surprise. As I walked by a women, who was probably in her 70's, she said, "your children are beautiful!!" She was glowing. She was gazing. I said thank you and continued walking. She then went on to tell me that she had 4 children, how far apart they were, and that the youngest was coming into town this weekend and was bringing her 5 grandchildren with her. She was so excited! She was so sweet. I then shared that my parents were coming this weekend. I told her to enjoy her weekend and off we went.
So, was it helpful?? Absolutely! She made me smile. She warmed my heart. I loved that little 30 second exchange of words.
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I was in the check out line at Winco the other day. I was tired. My kids were tired. We had already hit Target, the office store and the party store. It was late. I was pushing it. I took my time through the store. I was patient at the store. God was getting me through. Then we hit the checkout line.
Oh, how I love the checkout line. With the candy all at eye level for the kids. Yes, candy, crackers, and any kind of snack any child would love. I LOVE it!
Brenton sees the Life Savers and I ever so patiently tell him he needs to put them back. He then proceeds to throw himself on the floor. Being the kind, loving and attentive mother that I am, I chose to walk away. To walk right on down to my cart and start bagging my groceries. I'm doing my best not to loose it. I have pushed my children way too far. We are all tired. But, seriously?? Throwing himself on the floor over life savers?
I then notice that the people behind me are a little irritated by Brenton's display. He's not in their way, but they sure are acting inconvenienced. I pick him up, take Ella out of the cart, and put him in the cart. He continues to scream...
At this point, my blood is starting to boil a bit and the lady bagging her groceries next to me says...
I'm just so thankful that's not me right now!!
REALLY????? I try to keep my cool. She then goes on to say it AGAIN! I fumble over my words and try to get out...
Yeah, I'm sure. Whenever I see a child throwing a fit my heart always breaks for the mom.
This lady was clearly NOT thinking that. She was clearly ONLY thinking about how happy she was it was NOT her dealing with a fit throwing toddler. Meanwhile, her ONE toddler was sitting quietly in the cart. Lest I not judge her, she then goes on to say in a bragging tone that she has 3 more at home...
I made sure to throw in that I had 2 more. So THERE!!
Oh my word. It took every ounce of me to not say something rude.
So, I ask the question again. Was it helpful??? Absolutely not. Was she at least trying to be helpful?? Nope. There was simply no reason to say what she was thinking out loud. Had she said, "I'm so sorry. I've been there." I would have been fine. BUT, to point out how glad she was?? Sorry. Not helpful. Not in the least.
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While at Target the other day I heard the cries of a newborn. I LOVE newborn cries. There is little that is much sweeter than that sound. It melts my heart. It takes me back. I LOVE it. I know too, that when I had newborns and they were crying I was always SO aware of those around me. I didn't want to bother them. So, when I happened to be walking down the same aisle, I looked at the baby with googly eyes and asked how old the baby was. He was 5 weeks. I then proceeded to tell the mom how much I loved the sound of her baby's cry. She went on to say how she left the pacifier at home and he was hungry. There was a part of me that wanted to calm her heart if it was racing. I didn't even KNOW if it was, but the fixer in me wanted to come out.
At this point, I ask myself, was I helpful. Did she take it that way? Or was I just some annoying lady in the store with 3 crazy kids of my own hanging off the cart?
I feel like I often have people say one thing or another to me while I'm out running errands. It's inevitable. This weeks comments sure got me thinking though... I never want to be the unhelpful. The annoying. The frustrating. I want my words to comfort. To make someone smile. To build them up. It just goes back to the little saying,
I made sure to throw in that I had 2 more. So THERE!!
Oh my word. It took every ounce of me to not say something rude.
So, I ask the question again. Was it helpful??? Absolutely not. Was she at least trying to be helpful?? Nope. There was simply no reason to say what she was thinking out loud. Had she said, "I'm so sorry. I've been there." I would have been fine. BUT, to point out how glad she was?? Sorry. Not helpful. Not in the least.
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While at Target the other day I heard the cries of a newborn. I LOVE newborn cries. There is little that is much sweeter than that sound. It melts my heart. It takes me back. I LOVE it. I know too, that when I had newborns and they were crying I was always SO aware of those around me. I didn't want to bother them. So, when I happened to be walking down the same aisle, I looked at the baby with googly eyes and asked how old the baby was. He was 5 weeks. I then proceeded to tell the mom how much I loved the sound of her baby's cry. She went on to say how she left the pacifier at home and he was hungry. There was a part of me that wanted to calm her heart if it was racing. I didn't even KNOW if it was, but the fixer in me wanted to come out.
At this point, I ask myself, was I helpful. Did she take it that way? Or was I just some annoying lady in the store with 3 crazy kids of my own hanging off the cart?
I feel like I often have people say one thing or another to me while I'm out running errands. It's inevitable. This weeks comments sure got me thinking though... I never want to be the unhelpful. The annoying. The frustrating. I want my words to comfort. To make someone smile. To build them up. It just goes back to the little saying,
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all!
Seriously.
4 comments:
That's a good post Meredith. We've all had people make comments to us. But how do we come across to others? I was seated next to a couple with a newborn the other day. I was done eating. They were trying to figure out who was going to hold the baby (no car seat to put him down) and who was going to eat. I so wanted to offer to hold the baby. I'm sure they would have thought I was a quack though. I've wanted to offer to hold a baby on an airplane. But would they let me? Instead I just usually offer to help in some other way. But then I have a friend who often tells the story of how she was on a cross-country flight with a crying baby. A lady DID offer to walk the aisles of the plane with her newborn....and she has always been so grateful for that.
I don't think we should NOT offer help or kind words. Maybe we just need to pray more that they would be received the way we intend them....that we only mean the best.
I'm with Lee Ann, we need to pray more about those encounters especially because it can be such a fine line. Now the lady at the check out, the line was clear to her and she crossed it. Grrr... But I think if we use God's grace, it will show. You're sweet!
Wow...was that all in one week??? Bless your heart! You are one great mom AND a precious sister-in-Christ!
Wow, Mere...those days are never fun, I cannot believe what that woman at the checkout line said to you! Ugh!!
Great post...excellent reminder to be aware of what we're saying and how it may come across to others.
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