Not Me Monday

It's one of my favorite days of the week. The day that I get to claim all the things that I most surely DID NOT do. I also love that MckMama has gotten this going among hundreds of bloggers. Go check her out and check out all the others playing along.

So, getting on to it. Here are all the things I absolutely DID NOT do... no matter what anyone might tell you...

I did not JUST take my Christmas tree down last Thursday. I'm much more on top of it than that. I would never want to keep my tree up just because I liked the warm feeling it brought to my family room. I would never debate trying to see just how long it would last. And I would not think it a grand idea to have a tree in my family room year round. Down right ridiculous. I would never...

I did not find a tiny spider in my cleavage while taking down said Christmas tree. I did not then proceed to smush the tiny little guy with my fingertips. First of all, my house is clean as a whistle and I would never find any spiders in my house. Second, I'm afraid of spiders. I surely would NEVER be able to kill one with my fingers. And third, my cleavage???

I did not find a worm inching across my kitchen floor after taking down said Christmas tree. Already establishing that I didn't JUST take it down. Already establishing there would never be critters in my house. Of course there was NOT a worm inching across my kitchen floor!

I did not decide to clean out my fridge. Finding all sorts of interesting treasures from years past... salad dressing that expired in September of '07. Chocolate fudge that expired in '06. Mayo that expired in October. I am much more on top of it than that. I most definitely would not waste food. I most definitely would not have things in my fridge that were on the verge of being vintage. Nope. Not me.

I did not wonder about one of MckMama's ways to keep her life going smoothly. I did not think it brilliant but sad when she said she bathes her kids in the evening and then dresses them for the next day. They sleep in their clothes so that she has one less thing to do in the morning to get her and her 4 babies out the door. I did not think it brilliant because that could definitely help with my time management. I did not because I DON'T have time management problems. And I did not find it sad because her kids are missing out on one of the best clothing items ever... pajamas! People might really begin to wonder about me and my pj's. They might think I have issues. Of course I don't. Not me.

I most definitely did not stay up way too late last night. Watching an angry man save the world. Hanging on every word said. Even having to sit up so that I could hear with both ears. There is NO reason. I already know that there is going to be a mini-save. The man will then go on to find the REAL threat. Saving lives. Ending lives. Stabbing pens into peoples legs. All the while, not looking stinky. Never needing to eat or drink. Saving the world. He would never need to turn his phone on vibrate. Why would I bother. I already know that in 24 hours, the world will be saved. He will be the hero. And yet, someone, somewhere will be mad at him. They will come after him. And there we have the cliff hanger for the next season. Why would I waste my time when I can tell you just how the season will go. It's simple. I wouldn't. Nope. Not me.

I did not get the most absolutely brilliant Christmas gift EVER. I was not excited when opening a present from my sweet sister in law. Wondering all the while why she sent me something. We don't exchange gifts. I did not shriek when opening said gift from sister in law. I did not then proceed to take LOTS of pictures of me with said gift... my children with said gift. I did not actually think that maybe, just maybe, she was on to something. I would never think that they were actually comfortable. And I most definitely, did not let my friend's little girl take them home when she fell so in love with them. Nope. Not me.

And I most definitely did NOT glance at my backside in the mirror before leaving for church. First of all, who does that? Not me. I did not then think to myself that I should change my jeans since I looked like an episode of What Not to Wear. And I most definitely did NOT decide that I didn't care and stay in said jeans. I care more than that. Really.

So there you have it. All the things I would NEVER dream of doing... What did you not do this week?