I recently realized that I haven't been okay. I've mentioned my brain fog and while that definitely happens to us tired moms, I really don't think it's just because I'm tired. Tired doesn't begin to describe it...
In the last month, I've really started wondering. Wondering when it's okay to rest. To take a break. Half joking that I would like to just be selfish and ONLY be a mom and a wife. To have no other responsibilities. I'm mean really, isn't that what the Bible says? Um. No.
I've always loved to serve. If I saw a need, I jumped. If someone needed a meal, I was the first to sign up. I loved. Yes, loved to help. During our 2 years of incredible trials we were blessed so abundantly. That fueled my fire even more. I just wanted to serve the Lord. Serve my friends. Answer His calls.
I believe that He called me to all the things that I was involved in this year. I was beyond blessed by each and everyone...
Sunday school became less of a chore. I have grown to absolutely love and adore the sweet 3 year olds that I get to work with.
Stepping into a position of leadership at Mom's grew me more than I could ever imagine. My eyes were opened. Instead of focusing on my own insecurities I noticed the wonderful moms. The overwhelmed moms. The moms that needed a friend to talk to. The moms that just needed a hug. I got to see God's hand over and over and over again. It was amazing.
I cherished small group time at moms. Being able to connect. Share our hearts. Share our lives. Bear our souls. We had some amazing, eye opening conversations. I love those women and being able to be their small group leader through the end of the year was amazing.
I've loved watching our homegroup couples open up and share their lives with us. Their ups and their downs. Their laughter and their tears. I love welcoming them into our home. I want our home to feel like home. I want them to know how incredibly loved they are.
I have grown. I have been beyond blessed. I pray that as God has blessed me by putting me in these positions that others have been blessed as well.
However.
I. Am. Tired.
My head does not function. My family is suffering. My relationships are suffering.
I've spent much of the last month feeling very alone. Alone and having no energy to do anything about it. Alone and just wanted to curl up into a ball. To move to some remote place in Montana. To just stop.
I receive emails coordinating meals for new moms. I hear of needs. I just let them pass by. I have nothing left to give. Nothing.
When is it okay to rest?
I believe it is okay to rest. I believe it's not okay to ignore God when He calls. I believe that I followed His lead and it's now time for me to take a little break.
I was doing many things. I was doing NONE of them well. I was just doing. I would love to do them well, with heart, with passion and completely and absolutely willingly.
At the end of Moms this year I began leading a small group. I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm not a leader by nature. But, I love those moms. I am passionate about them. I WANT to serve them. I cannot, however, serve them and help lead moms. I just can't.
I realized that I needed to scale back. Not retreat entirely, but scale back. I'm no longer co-leading moms. I took the summer off from teaching Sunday school. Already, the fog is lifting. I have more energy. My heart is thawing. I'm ready to go.
13 comments:
It's great to rest. That's what I decided to do this week. Keeps me in balance.
JC rested. He'd serve and serve and serve and then He'd take his disciples to remote places, and rest.
I'm so sorry you are not co-leading MOMS but I'm excited about you serving as a small group leader.
I think you are great at everything!
You are right now being a well-obedient child. Yes, we are to serve, but with a full heart and where God wants us at the time. You need to listen to the Holy Spirit and let it guide you and it sounds like you're doing just that. God does want us to rest, refresh so that we can serve Him how He would want us to, for His glory. Rest Meredith! Matthew 11:28 says..."Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Glad you're taking those steps. Meredith. There are definitely seasons in our lives when God grows us through those experiences, but I do thing he does let us know when it's time to slow down. You're such an amazing giver of your love, time, and talents. It is definitely okay to rest!
You know what I love Meredith... that you can see yourself exactly as you are... that you don't pretend to be what you aren't... and what I know is that God adores that in you. I love the verse, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he..." (Proverbs 23:7)... if you continue to read it talks about a scenario in which a person has invited company to their home and tells them to eat and drink, but really they are just grudging the cost and their heart isn't with their guest... I think so many people serve and serve but their heart isn't right and God sees that and he is saying pretty clearly in my opinion, that if you aren't feeling like the act of service is being done with a right or good attitude, don't... whether you are God's vessel in MOM's ministry or someone else is, God will accomplish his purpose for His glory and that is the beauty of trusting God's plan and God's will... it's His and not Ours and just knowing that He is in control and that He is the Master Planner makes my heart at peace... and allows me to say "no" to things and to acknowledge the truth about my heart and that sets me FREE... "thaws my heart"...
You are a BLESSING!
Good for you, Mere. I had to do that when Kate was born. I'm still not quite sure I'm ready to jump into a bunch of stuff. slowly adding things back but I really am enjoying 'serving' my family too. we can't do it all, in this season. I can't, at least. I do look forward to a season where I can serve like I love to do. I stopped feeling guilty a long time ago though. Until then, I do what I can with out losing my mind. :) That's the goal, right?! You're awesome. A great mom. A great wife. An awesome servant. Your hugs alone are service!
I'm so glad you are doing this without feeling guilty. My little Mere is growing up ;-) Good for you. Enjoy the rest. Come visit me.
Love you.
Glad you shared all of that. I think it's something we all struggle with. It comes and goes for me. I go through periods where I'm able to say "no" and times when I'm completely overwhelmed.
Rest dear friend. You need rest so you can be whole and so you will have something to give when it's time for you to give again.
Good for you! Your story sounds very similar to mine from several years back. One day, God spoke to me very clearly (in my spirit) about it. He told me that I was doing a lot of great things, but that I was neglecting my family and myself. He told me that He called me, first and foremost, to be a wife and mother. That "for such a time as this" my biggest responsibility was to my family.
That realization gave me the strength to say "no" and the ability to let go of some things - just as you have. The results were amazing. My family and I became much closer, much happier.
I'm so glad to hear that things are improving. Your last paragraph says it all!
Blessings to you...
Beth E.
I echo what all those girls above said!
Rest is good.
I wish I could be there to rub your feet whiel you rest ;-)
Love you girl!
Good job Meredith! Tough choices, but God, husband, family is a good order. I had to learn that one the hard way too. It is a tough season to serve and I am enjoying my rest as well. It is hard sometimes. I feel isolated and out of it, but I know I am serving where God wants me. There is a season for everything. Way to be obedient to God's leading. You are a blessing to me and so many others and will continue to be!!
Michelle
It is GREAT to rest.
I enjoyed reading your blog this afternoon...Had some time to do some blog hopping...always enjoy finding new blogs!
Hope you will visit me. This month I am posting on our Disney trip.
I think it's very important to take a break and take care of yourself and your family... replenish, renew and rest your soul and your spirit.
If you don't take care of YOURSELF properly (meaning taking a break, getting some rest), you won't be able to take care of others effectively.
It's not easy to say "no", and it doesn't have to be "no" forever, but learning to say no is very important.
Great,great thoughts. You inspire me to figure out the rest thing too. It's much needed.
You were so fantastic to have as a co-leader, I loved every phone call, meeting, chance to hug you.
I 100% agree, you need to be rested and ready to do what God asks of you...so rest up my friend! I'm sure he's not done with you yet :).
Post a Comment