Before

Before I was a mom, all I wanted to be was a mom. I worked full time. I was good at what I did. My brain functioned fairly well. All was good. There was just one thing missing. Children...

Before I got one positive pregnancy test, I had had at least 100 negative ones. I would stare at those things, trying to see a second line. Pulling them out of the garbage hours later. Still searching. Wanting. Waiting...

Before I had my first baby I would rub my belly. Singing that the best was yet to come. Smiling. Rubbing. Dreaming. Waddling...

Before I had my second baby, I enjoyed my first. We took walks. We played. By the time the second was due I felt like I was just getting a handle on this mommy business. I was able to get my house clean once a week (well, mostly!) I was able to work out. I was able to have dinner on the table. I was able to enjoy. Then. I had my second...

Before I had my 3rd, I was done. I could not imagine functioning with more that two babes. I was depressed. I was tired. I was not able to get it done. At all. My second threw me for a loop. He was not easy. He was not content. I was depressed. That REALLY did not help...

Before I found out I was pregnant with #3, I prayed that I would not be pregnant. But. I knew that I was. I prayed. And prayed. Then I saw two lines...

Before I found out I was pregnant with #3, I had no idea how in the world surprise pregnancies could happen. I had little patience hearing those stories. We had HAD to try. Try. And try some more. Accidents were not accidents. Didn't everyone know that getting pregnant wasn't easy??

Before I found out I was having a girl, I was great with having another boy. Then, I heard the sweetest words ever. "It's a girl!!" With tears streaming down my face I joyfully thanked the Lord for my unanswered prayers...

Before I knew that my baby was okay. That she was healthy. I savored every moment of her in my belly. When I heard the Dr. say that she was okay, I cried tears of joy once again.

Before she was born I couldn't imagine. I couldn't imagine how amazing a little girl would be. When the Dr. put her in my arms I fell in love. There was something about her. Something different. A bond that simply cannot be explained...

Before I had my 4th, I savored every single moment. Rubbing my belly. Gazing at my belly. Enjoying every kick and hiccup. Counting down the days in anticipation. Excited to meet our new little man. Sad to close the chapter on new babes. When the Dr. put him in my arms, I could not get him close enough. He was so sweet. So perfect. Such a blessing...

Before I went in to have my tubes tied I was terrified of the surgery. When the Dr. put in the last stitch and said they were done, I cried. Cried because I was done. Cried because I would never get to feel a baby growing inside me again. Cried because I would never get to experience the beautiful miracle of childbirth. I cried whenever I thought about it that whole first year...

Before Cole joined our family I felt like someone was missing. Before he joined our family I could not imagine life with a teenage boy. I had no clue how amazing it would be to watch him grow, physically and emotionally. I had no idea how awesome it would be to watch him step into the roll of "big brother". I had no idea how much I could love him...

Before I had 5 kids, I could function. I could think. I could only imagine the joy that children would bring. I never knew that along with the joy came incredible fatigue. That along with the laughter came immense frustration. That along with juggling life's responsibilities came something called "brain fog". Serious. Brain. Fog.

So, when driving home the other night I was taken a bit by surprise. I was in shock to see a billboard advertising fireworks sales. I was slightly irritated that they would have a sign up ALREADY. I mean really. The 4th of July is SIX months away, isn't it?? Oh wait. It's not. It's FOUR weeks away!!!

My pour brain. It's so foggy in there that I didn't even realize that it was the last day of May and not winter still! Nice. Real nice.