God's Timing

"I know you don't believe in God, but I just have to tell you how thankful I am for His timing."

Words said to my new good friend and neighbor last week while fixing dinner. We were talking about the new house. About how perfect it would be... But, what's funny is that I have often reflected on the fact that had our "perfect" plan worked out last summer, we would never have gotten to know our neighbors like we do now.

Dinner with our neighbors has become a weekly event. We enjoy it. Our kids enjoy it. Conversation flows freely and it is clear that we are all loved. Had we moved last year, we would have really missed out. I wanted our neighbor to know what a true blessing she and her husband are to us. I love that God has allowed me to see a little snippet of His plan...

His snippet has given me a lot of peace. Peace because it's a reminder that He is here. Always. Peace because I know that HE knows best...

I can easily say that this summer was one of the darkest times in my life. Angry. Hopeless. Frustrated. Confused. I was constantly wrestling with God. Trying to grasp some sort of understanding as to why in the world my brother was sick again. Wondering why we were going through yet another trial. Wondering how any of it could be good. Wondering where in the world was God? Then, there was a knock on the door...

Caden's friend was to be picking him up and when I heard the knock, I assumed it was his friend's mom. It was not. Instead, I was greeted by two nice young men. Normally, I would have told them that I already attend church and that I do know that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Normally, I would have smiled politely and left it at that. Normally.

I wasn't feeling so normal.

God gave me a boldness that day. A boldness to share what I believe. He knew where this conversation was going. He knew what was in store...

As we stood as my front door, talking about our beliefs, one of the young men said something about a testimony. A testimony? I offered to share mine. All of it. Yes. All of it.

I shared about our struggles to conceive. About our miscarriage. About our miracle in Ella. About our answered prayer for the impossible with Brenton.

I shared about Traci's illness. Then Scott's diagnosis. Then Cory's. I shared about having a newborn and a husband in the hospital at the same time. I shared of God's provision. Both the physical and the spiritual. I shared about my night on my knees. When I had nothing left. When I closed my eyes and God gave me a vision. Of me, trying to do it alone. Walking through the snowstorm. Shoulders heavy. Head down. Feet dragging. Of Jesus standing there to take my hand. The weight being lifted as I took His hand in mine. Giving Him my burdens. I shared of the verse God gave me the next morning...

"And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the Lord your God chastens you. Therefore you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, that flow out of valleys and hills; a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates , a land of olive oil and honey; a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing; a land whose stones are iron and out of whose hills you can dig copper. When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land which He has given you." Deuteronomy 8:2-10

I shared that I knew in that moment that God would provide. That we would be okay.

I shared about Traci getting sick again. Of Scott passing. Of Cole coming to live with us. Of Jonas and the miracle that he is.

I shared about my brother getting cancer last year. Of His journey. Of trials over the new year. Of God, walking beside us EVERY time. Of Him carrying us through it all.

I shared the words that God has spoken to me. Straight from His word. Whenever I called. Words God gave me the morning after I heard my brother was sick again...

"For I will restore health to you
And heal you of your wounds, says the Lord," Jeremiah 30:17

I knew that God could heal my brother. He could give us a miracle. I also knew that He might not, but that He would heal our wounds. He would be there. No matter what.

Then, he reminded me of His power. His might.

"He has made the earth by His power;
He has established the world by His wisdom,
And stretched out the heaven by His understanding.
When He utters His voice -
There is a multitude of waters in the heavens:
He causes the vapors to ascend from the ends of the earth;
He makes lightnings for the rain;
He brings the wind out of His treasuries." Jeremiah 51:15-16

And then there was this,

"I called on Your name, O Lord,
From the lowest pit.
You have heard my voice:
Do not hide Your ear
From my sighing, from my cry for help.
You drew near on the day I called on You,
And said, "Do not fear!" Lamentations 3:55-57

At this point, I could tell. The nice young men were ready to run. Yes. Here I was. This crazy christian woman, I'm sure not what they expected, going on and on about my Jesus. His truth. His word.

I told them I would pray for them. They thanked me and were on there way. I smiled as they walked away...

In that moment I knew that God was there. I knew that that conversation was no accident. It wasn't a surprise. I stood wondering... was that for them, or for me?? The answer? BOTH.

It was amazing to be reminded that God has always been there. Always. He reminded me through the sharing of my own testimony. And minutes later, I would get another wonderful treasure. A phone call. From my brother.

He could possibly have testicular cancer. His cancer would then be treatable. We would not be saying goodbye anytime soon. I was overwhelmed with God's goodness. With His timing. I was in awe.

God even timed our visit with my brother perfectly. We had been trying to get over there for weeks. It was not working. I was getting frustrated. Finally, we headed over. The week he started his 1st treatment. It was perfect.

We were able to be there to care for Chris, Kristin and the kids. While my brother hated that we were there and he wasn't up for much fun, we loved that we were there and could serve them. Love them. Care for them. It was a week I will never forget.

God got us there exactly when we needed to be there.

Cory called yesterday. He called to tell me that he had talked to my brother. That the Dr. had found something that was still there. My brother has to endure 2 more rounds of chemo. Two more. That's 14 more times that he will go and sit in that chair. Fourteen more times that he will have to talk himself into going. 14. My heart hurts for him. For Kristin. For the kids. As my dear friend reminded me yesterday, this may be a surprise to us, but it is NO surprise to God. And as she's said before, He's got this one. He does.

I actually started writing this last week and got busy. It has sat here until today. God's timing. And as I sit here, reading over words written last week, I'm again thankful for God, His love, His blessings, His mercy. I know that He's there. I know He will carry my brother through. I know that no matter what, He IS here. Every moment. Every day.

And I know that should I ever start to wonder all I need to do is look back at the story He has given us. He is undeniably there every step of the way.

"Oh, bless our God, you peoples!
And make the voice of His praise to be heard,
Who keeps our soul among the living,
And does not allow our feet to be moved.
For You, O God, have tested us;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid affliction on our backs.
You have caused men to ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;
But You brought us out to rich fulfillment." Psalms 66:8-12