Exhausted Ramblings

I don't know if my brother's surgery took it all out of me. Maybe it's the fact that I have 5 kids. Perhaps, it has to do with leading a homegroup, helping in Sunday school and helping lead Mom's group. Maybe it has do to with the fact that I've been itching since April... with no explanation. Whatever it is, I'm exhausted. Deflated. Tired to my very core. My legs and arms feel like they have bricks attached. My eyes are looking through the fog. I would like to curl up, go to sleep and not wake up for days.

I'm so thankful that my brother's surgery went so well. I truly did not feel stressed on Monday. However, my body told me something different. At the beginning of the day, my upper back was a little tender. As the day progressed, the ache moved down my back. Before I knew it, my whole back was sore. Not bone sore. Muscle sore. Apparently, I was a little tense. Cory has been so sweet. He gave me a nice back rub and it's starting to feel a little better. But man, I've never had that happen.

I didn't eat dinner with my family last night. Or the night before. I'm tired of food. I've been itching since April. I've been to the Dr. Twice. I've been to the dermatologist. Three times. I've been treated for roundworm, scabies, staph, and given steroid cream in case it was caused by a virus. Nothing has made it go away. I've had blood taken and everything has come back normal. Sorry. I can't imagine it's normal to itch for 7 months. 2 1/2 weeks ago I decided to try something different. I changed my diet. I'm currently eating the way Cory ate when he was sick. All natural. My thought is that maybe if I cut out processed foods, grains and refined sugar, that my body might start functioning better. Maybe I can stop itching. So, I've been living on fruits, vegetables, meat and raw almonds. All things that are great. All things that I'm sick of. Food has lost it's lustre (I guess this is probably a good thing for me!) My itching hasn't gone away, but it's gotten significantly better. On Friday night, an interesting thing happened. We went on a date and had dinner at a new pizza place in town. I decided to see what would happen if I ate "normal". I had a lemon drop to drink and yummy pizza. About a half hour after we got home, I starting itching. Bad. I broke out with my rashes. Crazy. Apparently, I must now be allergic to something. Maybe wheat? Not sure, but I guess I'll figure it out by process of elimination. Until then, I get to eat the same thing (because I have no imagination) day in and day out (and because I'm too tired to fix my family's dinner and a separate one for myself... don't even start with saying that I should just make us all the same thing... remember? I'm tired. My kids are already driving me nuts. I do NOT want to listen to all the whining that would ensue from them having to eat so many vegetables and meat. Not going there.)

A great friend of mine has been out of town and I got to watch her kids yesterday... all 3 of them. They are great kids. I love them! My kids have so much fun playing with them and their 2nd son gets a sweet twinkle in his eye whenever he sees my Ella. Brenton loves playing with their youngest and when he woke up from his nap his 1st words were, "I want Tyler!" They really did play well, but I was left wondering how John and Kate do it?? 8 kids? Yowser. It takes a lot of energy. Fun energy. But energy none the less.

We did have a nice night though. The phone rang a little after 7. It was a kid that Cole played baseball with. Once he got off the phone, I asked what he called for... He was calling for HELP on his HOMEWORK!!! He was calling my boy. My sweet boy who struggled through school last year. My sweet boy who, lets face it, cried right along with me in frustration last year as we worked through his math. My sweet boy. The same boy who has basically now been called a math genius. Who has been encouraged to try out for the school knowledge bowl. The same boy who is now being told not to answer questions during class because the rest of the class needs to figure it out. My boy!!! Oh, he looked so proud. He is excelling. He's never excelled. I'm so stinkin' proud of him. God is good. I am so thankful that he is a part of our family.

I also got some sweet snuggles last night. I sat down to work on a Christmas stocking and Caden came, crawled up on my lap, and reminded me that I had told him I'd help him with his word finder puzzle. We sat, looked for words, and just enjoyed each other. As much as I needed to work on that stocking, I needed that time with my boy more. When I was putting him to bed he thanked me for sitting with him. He had fun. So did I. Those are the moments I pray he'll remember. I pray that he'll have more memories of Mommy's snuggles and not so many of Mommy losing it.

I went in to kiss the kids last night. Truly, they've been driving me a little nuts. As I looked at their sweet sleeping faces, I just wanted to crawl right in bed with them. They are perfect when they sleep. Angelic. I just want to snuggle and pray over them. I love this time. I'm so thankful for this time. Thankful that God lets me see that every night before I go to bed. That way, when all 5 of them are up at 6:30 am, screaming at me that they are hungry, I can cling to that sweet moment in the day when they are perfect. I crawled into bed last night. Told Cory how perfect our children look when they are sleeping. His response? "I'm sure God thinks that same thing about us. Look how perfect we are when we sleep!" Thanks babe!

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30