Thunder

I'm wondering right now if the clouds that seem to be coming closer are actually going to hit...

I'm wondering, as I sit listening to the thunder, if the lightening will strike...

I'm wondering if, perhaps, the storm will pass right on by...

The phone rang on the 1st. It was my Dad. My brother's final round of chemo was canceled due to the fact that one of his numbers (the one that was supposed to be going down) had not gone down since before the round before. After I hung up, my mind started racing. What could this mean? What will this look like? And then, there it was, loud and clear. That little voice, "Of course. It's been exactly 6 months. Of course." I told that little voice to shut up. He wasn't welcome. Go away.

The next day I talked to my sister in law. She was positive. Perhaps my brother's baseline is higher than average. I hung up with a smile and was sure that everything would be alright. And then, again, loud and clear, "But, you thought everything was going to be fine last time." That sneaky little voice. I told him where he could shove it. Told him he had NO power over me. Just. Shut. It. I turned up the radio and proceeded to sing along... "How GREAT is our God. Sing with me how GREAT is our God. And all will see how GREAT. How GREAT. Is our God."

I've been clinging to God. Praying many times a day for Him to stay in my thoughts. For me to recognize Satan clearly so that I can not fall prey to his deception and doubting. God has been forever faithful.

Then, Sunday night, the phone rang again. This time, results from my brother's scan on Friday. Apparently, there are spots on my brothers lungs. We do not know what this means yet, but I am clinging to the hope that they are nothing. That my brother is healed. Completely.

Chris and Kristen are currently at MD Anderson. Thankfully, they were already scheduled to go down there to see their Dr. Thankfully, it comes on the heals of last weeks news. They are doing a thorough search of Chris's body. We are praying for complete healing.

Today, is Chris and Kristen's birthday. He's 35. She's 33. What a way to spend your special day. Praying that they can celebrate amazing news when they meet with the Dr. for the results tomorrow at 2:30.

I'm looking out my window right now. Watching the clouds roll by in the crazy strong winds we're having here today. Watching as the sun peeks through.

Wondering what will be around the corner.

A wise friend once told me that she has learned that instead of praying that God will end the storm that she's in, that instead, He would show her what He has for her to learn. How she can grow.

Aside from the obvious... Praying that the storm will pass on by. I've also been praying that my heart would stay calm. That I would hold tight to God and His word. That I would not allow doubt to creep in.

I keep being reminded of these verses...

"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints - and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak."
Ephesians 6:10-20